grief - the lonliest place

I am struggling to cope with intense grief since my daughter’s suicide. Its been 19 months and I am more grief stricken than ever. My friends have given up on me. I want so much to talk but cant get any words out. Cant chit chat and banter. They wonder why I am so miserable and I just cant keep reminding them that I need my daughter so much it hurts. Please help x

You are right that grief is the loneliest place. I’m so sorry for your loss and also that your friends are not supporting you.
I presume you have seen your doctor and looked at counselling. I find the counselling helps but it is only 12 weeks since my daughter died suddenly so I haven’t experienced the long term yet.
I find that it is only those that tread the same awful road truly understand so keep sharing your thoughts.
Sending you hugs x

Thank you for your thoughts and hugs matella. I have had counselling and it helped at the time when I talked but it does not last as my daughter is still not here and I miss her so much, thinking about all the things she said and wanted in her life but could not understand why she never got what she needed and now she never will x

I’m so sorry you are in so much pain but I understand and feel it to. My son died in an accident in July and it’s just a nightmare. Like you I’ve had counciling and it helps at the time but no matter what you do the reality is when you get home our children are still gone. No one and nothing can change that. I know in my head he has died but then I look at a photo and think there is just no way my son can be dead, it’s just not possible. But I read that it can be ten months before you accept death. Your pain is palpable niggles, I wish I could stop it. But keep talking on here and express your hurt, don’t bottle it up. As to your friends, very few can sustain grief support, they have to return to their own life and leave us to get on with it. Only another mother who has lost a child truly understands the pain. Love and hugs to you x

Thank you coming here really does help xxx

I am so so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know because my wife of 65 years passed away two weeks ago and the house is so empty. I am alone now and finding it difficult even though I have many friends supporting me. Nothing can take the place of the companionship lost. It does take time I am told, lots of it, but eventually we come to terms with it. What I find difficult is that life goes on just the same even though we are suffering so badly. Everyone seems to be reasonably happy but I know that wherever you look bereavement is still part of life. Since coming on this site I have realised that there are so many suffering in this way. I think we have to ask ourselves if our loved one would have wanted us to grieve so badly. I am sure my wife would not have wanted me to. But that does not alter the fact that she is gone and I feel it so much. I can only wish you a relief from your hurt and that you will find the strength to go on.

Dear Moggles,
Bless you … my also took her own life 9 months ago and I am also struggling. One of Gemma’s friends came over yesterday and after she left I just broke down … why was it my Gemma couldn’t cope with life, why did it have to be her that found life so difficult and was so sad that she ended her life?
I have no answer to such questions but still they swirl around in my head and I just miss her so much.
I find that this site helps. Someone else has said that only another bereaved mother knows how we feel and I think that is true.
Gemma was 42, she was passionate about wildlife and photography. She also loved music. She has 2 sons who she adored. Life feels very hard and cruel but e have to keep going for others.
If you are having a bad day just remember that tomorrow may be better.
Sending you a big hug and lots of love xx

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I am so sorry for your loss victoria and all others who are here. I find my thoughts constantly running round what if, did I do some thing or not do something that affected her so badly she wanted to end her life. Am I a bad parent? Was she so damaged and why ? I could not protect her

Dear Moggles I have exactly the same thoughts and friends tell me not to keep torturing myself with them but it is hard.
I wish I could have more time with her to talk and try to understand.
Do you mind if I ask how old your daughter was? xxx

My heart goes out to you and Moggles. You have been left with so many questions as well as pain. Have you looked into counciling? I really do feel for you x

I too wonder if I could have done something more for my daughter. Friends and family tell me that I did all I could. My daughter was seriously ill on several occasions but this time I did not know. Why did I not know? It haunts me.
However I agree that you must have so many unanswered questions on top of your losses.
Sending love to all that are grieving x

Do any of us sleep at night. So many are online early in the morning. Long nights are hard to get through. So much time to think, to remember, to wish. This week is hard for me, my son would be 28 on Thursday. This is the first birthday we haven’t been together from he was born. Life is just cruel. So many living with heartache x

Hi Victoria
My daughter was 35 and she would be 37 today on her birthday. The last six to 12 months of her life was so traumatic . She was let down by the mental health team as she was crying out for help but they never diagnosed her problem. How about you and your daughter xx

Thank you.

I can’t face counselling yet as I am living in my own little bubble although I may do in the future.

I try to keep myself calm and hopefully that will help me cope.


My daughter was 36. She too was continually let down by medical and mental health services. I tried to keep on top of everything but it is difficult when your child is an adult. They won’t always let you.
Birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s day to bear but Birthdays must be the hardest. I want to ignore Christmas but family are determined the celebration will go ahead.
Hope you are all managing somehow to get through the day. It is said that we just survive it. Xxxx