Hello everyone.
I lost my grandad in July, 2024. We are still not clear on what exactly happened, but he did have cancer, dementia and various health complications for many, many years - pretty much all my childhood (I am 25). My brother and I are my grandads (Dads Dad) only grand children, so all my lovely memories are shared. I still struggle with the bad memories, seeing his character fade away and seeing him in pain. But I’m learning to overcome those thoughts, and think positively of the wonderful life he shared with my grandma. I’m very thankful to still be hearing stories and learning new things about him from my Grandma.
In January of this year, I then lost my lovely Nannie - that’s how she liked to spell it (Mums Mum). She was one of a kind, I miss her so much. It all felt very sudden, I’d been living with her for 2 years caring for her as she was starting to struggle, and we thought she might have the start of dementia. She also had blood cancer and was starting to decline. She was taken to hospital as her head was hurting and she couldn’t open her eyes or move, it came back that she had a brain aneurysm. It shocked everyone. And within a week in hospital she passed away. During that week she actually did open her eyes and spoke a little but it was very slurred and we couldn’t understand everything but I know that was her fighting to communicate with us. She was VERY strong, she had a hard life and her family was absolutely everything to her. She would do anything and everything for us.
I would not change living with her for the world, but I also think it has taken a toll on my mental health. I worry about my health every day, and my loved ones. I’m in and out of panic mode at the moment, the grief has hit me at once, I think. As I was caring for her, I don’t think I fully processed the passing of my grandad so now they’re both gone I think it’s come to the forefront.
I’m not particularly religious, I don’t know what to believe in particular but I believe it’s not the end and I take comfort knowing that they’re still here in a way because they’re in my memories. I’m hoping that as time passes I won’t feel it as heavy as I do, because I don’t think they would want me to feel this type of sadness.
Sending my love to everyone struggling, especially this time of year too. It’s hard. 
