I have just lost my husband of 54 years, we were together for 58 years, I am struggling to accept that he has gone

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Hi Jaygra
I lost my husband nearly four monts ago so I know how you feel. Like you, we had been togethere for 57 years, married for 54. We were so lucky to have them for so long but that doesn’t really help, does it? Every morning when I wake up, I get that familiar clenching in my stomach. Nothing makes any sense at the moment and nothing brings me pleasure. I am hoping that time will help but I can’t see me ever accepting it truly either. Anyway, you never know - maybe time does heal. Let’s hope so. My heart goes out to you.
Hugs Ann


Thank you, I am still in a bubble of disbelief , he was in hospital with pneumonia and was getting better, but then was rushed into critical Care and was put on a ventilator, sadly he wasnt strong enough to survive x

Thank you , its just so raw isnt it ? X

It certainly is. My husband woke up with a very bad headache. He was taken to hospital because I was sure that it wasn’t just an ordinary headache and two days later, he died from a bleed on the brain. Life feels so cruel sometimes. What gets me is, I see and know of so many couples who hate being with one another and they are still going on. Tony and I loved every second we were together and I feel cheated that he died. xx

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Hi Jaygra I am so sorry for your loss but being on this site will help you. I have been reading these posts for quite a time and it is so good to feel that you are not alone. Love and hugs to you.xx Carolxxx

Thank you, I dont feel so alone now x


Hi Jaygra I’m so sorry for your loss , I also lost my husband in June to cancer we had been married for 25 yrs life’s a struggle everyday without him and I miss him terribly I’m so glad I found this site as this year has been difficult enough and I have felt very lonely at times but just reading other people’s posts on here brings some comfort that I’m not alone

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So sorry for your loss.

We can only speak from personal experience because everyone differs in how they cope with the awful pain of grief. It’s just on two years since my wife died and it has got better. At first, like all of us, I felt ‘what’s the point going on’. But after a while I began to ask what my wife would have wanted for me. To be miserable over her passing? No, she was always optimistic and cheerful up to the end. Time and patience worked for me. I will never ever forget, of course not, but I have got into a routine that suits me and I have some good friends who have helped so much, especially on here. It may be too soon for most who have posted to realise it does ease as time passes. There is no way to force anything. Some little relief will come in it’s own time and own pace. Fighting and struggling with ‘IT’ avails nothing. Far better accept what has happened and go with it. I am in no way minimising the pain. I do know only too well. But the dark days are receding for me, but that is a very personal observation. Time and more time is needed. Best wishes to all. John.

Dear AnnR and everyone here, I wanted to add tp Ann’s message about couples who seem to hate being together. I see the same thing almost daily, even on the TV programs. Sometimes rather insensitive to their partners. In my own family, there are 2 ongoing divorces (no sign of reconciliation). Of course, these are young couples with children, When I go out, I see this. I think one writer was mentioning about how us widows/widowers seem to be more appreciative of loving someone one time. There are some of us who struggle daily to just to get thru the day. I could say much more (maybe I will one day). I read these posts and shed a tear or a sigh when I read how some of you are not that strong or losing that spark of life and love. I had mentioned not long ago on this forum is that I wish that the young couples (or even some of those with partners could read these posts - after all we’ had partners that are no longer here - we can’t be with them anymore all more. I believe Love and life are precious - when you have that - be grateful these traits are here for a short while. Be thankful. When I see a couple arguing or mistreating a partner - I wish I could tell them to grow up - why make somebody sad – even children are sad. Wish I could turn this around!
Thank you everyone. Blessings to you all!

Wise words Herb!

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