My husband of 40 years died suddenly …I’m not coping with it

Dear Cathy63, Yes, you do not know me — but like you, I too have lost someone I loved with all my heart. i know that will not soothe your loss - but I , for one - can sympathize with you for your loss. As best as I can offer please be assured that some of us feel your loss - I wish i could offer you some real words of comfort - so the best I can do is please feel the comfort I can offer you - I lost my wife some time ago - I sort of wish I could have joined her-- I know how how you must be feel - I wish you all the comfort you as best as i, for one, can offer. Please take care Dear Lady!
Herb (aka greencat1950)

I am 3 weeks on from losing my husband suddenly and completely unexpected so I know how you feel. You will be on a rollercoaster ride of emotions and will need as much support as you can. Let friends and family support you and talk to your GP. There is also counselling that you can sign up for here. You will see from the posts here that you are not alone. We can’t take the pain away - no one can - but we do understand.

Hi @Cathy63

I don’t think anyone ‘copes’ with grief, because it’s different for everyone. I went through the first 6 - 8 weeks like an robot, then I had a period when I simply cried and cried and cried, then I blamed myself. I then realised that although mistakes had been made in my husband’s care, I wasn’t to blame, others were.

Which made the entire thing more difficult but also a little easier. The pain remained, ebbing and flowing thru’ my body like the North Sea. As a relative said, when you lose a partner, the pain is physical.

Now, a little more than 6 months later, I am beginning to realise that he is gone forever although in another sense his love will remain forever. He died believing he was in debt, which is true in a small sense, but it’s been paid off. His investments are worth a lot more that he thought were, and that’s a cushion that will see me through for a few years.

All that’s apart from the stuff I already have, which is enough to see me through anyway. I was his second wife, he was my first husband, which is a complex situation, but it does mean that I’ve got more experience of living independently as an adult than I have of being a wife.

It looks like you two were in a forever and ever situation. I am not sure what that would feel like, but I hope you have friends and family who will help you out.

Christie xxx