I’m 36, my mum was 62, to young in my eyes to have lost her life.
She passed in October last year (21) and I felt I coped well, I’m an only child and we were extremely close. I had just 1week off work and supported my son and dad. My husband was my rock. Of course I cried and grieved but I felt an overwhelming sense that she was at peace and this was her time. So up until recently, the coping was manageable. We believe she had an illness that wasn’t diagnosed, we never fully found out what. She went into hospital with swollen ankles and trouble breathing, then a week later she was gone, me and my dad were with her when she went. She’d caught covid and wasn’t strong enough.
A few months on I’m feeling the strain, I’m not myself I feel Hazy, I doubt myself with everything, I feel I’m not good enough I’m insecure about everything where as a married adult and mum, with a job I love, this doesn’t occur to me usually.
I’m paranoid I’m going to loose something else dear to me weather that’s one of my family members/ my job or sense of security. I’m having dreams where I’m being fired/ loosing my husband. I’ve not spoken to anyone around me I chose not to as I genuinely don’t want people treating me like I’m made of glass. I don’t want it to effect my life and work as theres signs of this already showing.
Jenny, your post tells a full story and if tomorrow you read it when you are at work I suspect you will see that you are just grieving. You lost someone that was very special to you and we can’t hide that for long, which is what I suspect is what you have been doing.
If that’s correct then please look for counselling which may or may not help, realistically you need someone to talk to about your mum and the things that matter. Having a supportive family is lovely and if there is someone then just talk, it’s good,talking. Take care S xx
Jenny, you were grieving all this while even when you thought you were managing it well. Somehow the emotions were getting suppressed and not they are coming up afloat. I lost my mom three weeks ago. She was only 58 and died of a sudden cardiac arrest. She had no ailments and she was fit. I’ve been in a really bad state ever since. I haven’t left the bed. This is how my grief is looking like but I know we are in equal pain. Losing our mom our best friend our everything is so difficult and it’s so unfair for anyone to take them away from us so soon.
I won’t say stay strong because no matter how much you try you won’t be able to. Keep reading the posts on this site and that’s the only way you will feel a little better and know that everyone is going to die so you will meet your mom one day if you believe in that. I have started believing in that.