In the past 4 years I have lost 2 Grandmother’s, 2 Aunties and last year my Mom. The backbone of our whole family has just vanished. I lost my Mom last October to lung cancer and am coming up to my first birthday without her and also the first anniversary. I feel overwhelmed and can’t seem to function properly, I helped looked after my mom but wasn’t with her when she passed and I can’t forgive myself for that, I was always a mommy’s girl and I miss her everyday, I just feel incomplete and can’t seem to move forward without her. I miss the phone calls and the hugs and just not having her there when I need a chat. I know everybody says the firsts are the hardest and in time it will get better, but I can’t see an end to the grief that I am going through and the empty feeling I have now she isn’t here.
Oh @Hellm I know what you mean - I can’t forgive myself for not being with my mum either. It was over two years ago and I’ve not found it easier, worse actually, with time, and I wish I’d broken lockdown rules now, at least tried to get there. It felt so cruel and, though I was trying to do the ‘right’ thing, I now feel I prioritised others over my mum.
I’m so sorry for all the losses of your family, I’m not surprised you’re feeling overwhelmed. I hope you have good help and support around you and can only send you some love and say look after yourself through the anniversary of your mum’s passing and your birthday. Don’t be pressurised into doing anything you don’t feel comfortable with. I just sit and think about my mum, try and think of good and funny memories, hope you can do that too maybe.
Hugs xx
Thank you for replying I also kept away from my mom during covid, I did her shopping and would stand on the doorstep and do a virtual hug to her, I never hugged her before she passed and I wish I did, even when looking after her I never hugged or kissed her through the fear of giving her a germ. I am so sorry for what you have been through and how you are feeling about your mum by doing the right thing, we were robbed of time and contact and I think that’s what hurts the most.
Sending you hugs and love xx