5 weeks ago I lost my youngest son at the age of 32 suddenly, exactly 3 weeks after I lost my mum suddenly. The pain has been unbearable. All I want to do is sleep so I dont have to think about all this.
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That’s hard losing 2 people I lost my younger brother few months ago he was 38 I feel your pain.
Maybe you might find comfort that they are together and believe they are in a better place this world is a cruel place and this separation is only temporary you will reunite again they have crossed over into the next realm and are in a bliss.
It’s just a pause imagine they can see you and will feel hurt seeing you this way you have to try and be strong do the things they liked or couldn’t complete it helps.
So sorry to hear of your losses. As has been said many times before, we are not supposed to outlive our children. My heartfelt sympathy to you.
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I often go to bed on my days of work so I don’t have to think about the pain losing my mum. When I’m in bed awake my thoughts turn to my mum and laying there I cry myself to sleep and I have dreams of my mum holding me in her arms but it’s me that wants to hold her in my arms I don’t want to let go of my mum. I’ve waited long enough to see her. Since she went I have waited nearly six years this November to see her again. It’s an horrific pain I can’t bear it anymore. I don’t deserve to feel like this
I keep playing a song living years by Mike and mechanics it’s about a son losing his dad but it really tugs at my heartstrings it makes me think the wasted years with my dad who’s still alive. At times we’ve never got on but we do now since I moved in with him I know it’s what my mum would of wanted for us to be close. I am going to tell my dad how much I love him and what an amazing dad he is. I’m a son so proud of him. I have never told him like I never told my mum how I felt. It’s a regret I live with him and I should of never waited to tell my mum. Her leaving me isn’t good enough. I can’t do the same to my dad. Regret is a horrible thing to live with and it shouldn’t a parent leaving us to say how you feel. Grief has taught me it.
People will think I’m crazy when I say I know my mum is. It’s not a heaven or a hell. It’s in a far better place a puddle in water where I know my mum can see me. It’s so comforting to know this for certain and it keeps me going it’s a sort of hope that grief has taught me. It doesn’t take the pain away it doesn’t take away my tears and my regret nor does it fill the hole in my life but it’s better than nothing
It’s true there’s no time limit to grief it’s with you for life. Your heart literally breaks I can feel it deep inside. You just have your good and bad days and right now I’m having more bad than good days.
Music can soothe your soul but I’m so scared my mums voice not all but majority of her voice. I remember her smile how she told me of and times argued. What I wouldn’t give to hear her voice. I would never argue with her I would give so much to walk in and see her one more time. I’d say to her mum I had a terrible dream you’d gone. Six years had gone by.
Soon I’m going to ask my dad if I can watch videos of my mum to remember her voice. I’ll be so drunk at the time but it’s what I need right now.
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