Grief

My husband died 6 months ago now,we knew that he had a terminal illness for 7 years,thinking back now I don’t know how we both coped,and I don’t know why I felt full of energy then,now I just find every day is a massive struggle,get up go to work,days off catching up with the house and garden,feel exhausted with everything,weepy and sad,is this normal?miss him before the illness took hold

Hi Dusty,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your husband 6 months ago and that you’re now having such a tough time. Everything you describe is very normal & part of the grieving process.

My Mum died 5 years ago & I know my Dad definitely experienced a lot of what you’re going through now. The first year was really difficult. In time it did get easier for him but he says he will always miss my Mum it just gets a bit easier to cope with.

My Dad had me to talk to which he says really helped him through the difficult days and nights. Do you have someone close that you can talk to? There are lots of wonderful supportive people on the forum who will understand, you’re not alone.

Please keep talking to us & take care. Trudy x

Hi Trudy
Thank you for your kind reply,I am finding hard to talk about how I feel,my husband was too young to die,so I am struggling to come to terms with it all,but life is not always fair is it?sorry to see about your mum,and good to see your dad is coping now, it’s hard learning to live without your partner,it seems 'couples’are everywhere,weekends are the hardest,glad I am working this Saturday,
Dusty

Hi Dust, I like the idea of responding to to someone called Dust, we had lovely cat once and she was called Dusty, the reason being I told out 2 boys, when we get her home we will have to duster for flies, sorry that is must inappropriate but hope it brought a smile.
I have suffered from lack of energy but seem to have enough to to cry, I have read that having to make decisions and deal with extra things in our lives results in using energy which when we are grieving overwhelmes our systems. It makes sense and I think thats why people say take care of yourself first and foremost. Nice to say but difficult to do. Grieving is not always a short process and depends on many things within the relationship, don’t think of days because it may be more in years, who knows because we are all different. Crying is good, so don’t let anyone tell you to stop, if it helps you, then work on the base that’s o.k. And ignore others. Take each day as it comes and the fact that you know it would end like it did is totally irrelevant because we all think it will not happen. We can’t predict tomorrow and would we really want to?
Life goes on whether we want it to or not and sometimes I wish I could go out dressed in black so people would treat me with respect and caring but that’s not possible. So we learn to to live with our grief that seems to be wrapped around us but is invisible to others. It can be lonely but we always have our love ones watching over us and there to help, well, that’s what I feel and believe.
Remember, take care of yourself
Blessings S

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