It’s been 2 years and 2 months since I lost my mum. I feel pain all the time and cry every day. Will I ever be normal again? I expected the grief to lessen but it’s still so profound. :disappointed_relieved:

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Grief is an extremely personal journey that no-one wants but unfortunately we’re human. Dont pressure yourself into "come on, its been long enough ". Its such a cliche, but please take time to cry and then remember the happy days. Have a hot chocolate and snuggle under a cosy blanket. Take care.


Nothing, nothing helps me. It’s so hard to exist like this. I am not living, I just exist because I am a mother myself. If I was alone I would have ended my life.

sending you lots of love :pray:t2::dove:

those dark thoughts creep up, i’ve felt like giving up several times but i’m still here, still fighting, still surviving and it’s coming up to 3yrs since my Dad died :broken_heart: somehow we pull through all of the darkness, the pain, the soul destroying heartache and we live to see another day

i’ve found that having some of Dad’s traits is helping me, helping to keep his legacy alive and keeping me pushing through - i still cry, still breakdown, still have dark thoughts but i know life is precious and i want to make him proud and if i ended the life he gave me then it’d all be for nothing - we just have to try to find the strength in each day, do thing’s that they loved and keep saying their name

you are meant to stay - you matter to this world, to your child, you are loved and you’ve got so much love to give

i don’t know how old your child(ren) are but perhaps you could do something that you and your mum loved to do together?

i hope this message helps but please stay, your time isn’t up yet and just remember your grief journey is yours and yours alone - we can only give advice and support which i hope will ease your pain and suffering :pray:t2: much love x

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Thank you so much for your message. Some things have resonated and I will remember your words. One fact that I am very aware of is that it must be deeply hurting my mum seeing me like this and I hate that but I feel what I feel and I can’t help that. I know other people who have lost their parent and they are getting on with life so why am I so badly affected?

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Im so sorry for your loss @Zg6 . I lost my Dad over 20 years ago and my Mum just 9 weeks ago. I think everyones grief journey is different depending on their relationship with their loved one, the circumstances of their death, what support you have etc, so there is no fixed timeline to grieving. You might find that counselling would be beneficial - i had counselling after my Dad passed and it helped me understand what i was feeling and gave me a safe space to be honest about how i felt ( i always felt i was burdening my friends/family). Your gp may be able to refer you, or Sue Ryder also offer online counselling. There may also be bereavement groups in your local area (my local hospice runs one) where you can meet with people in similar situations. Take care :heart:

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i think it depends on the connection with that person - the stronger the bond, the more difficult the grief is in my opinion but for others perhaps they’ve mastered putting on a brave face - i sure appear “fine” to the outside world but behind closed doors it’s another story but i do hope your feelings of ending it pass over time because i understand your pain and i know how torturous it is but just know you can message me anytime x

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I am so sorry for your loss too :disappointed_relieved:.
I have had 10 sessions of bereavement counselling and was optimistic that it would help me as it’s helped other people. Unfortunately it made no difference whatsoever. I have been looking for any groups that I could attend but I can’t find any. My GP has put me on antidepressants which have helped with the depression but they don’t do anything for my grief :frowning:.

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Thank you :pray:.
You are right, I was extremely attached to my mum which is why the pain is so deep. :disappointed_relieved:. People say time heals but does it really?

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thankyou :pray:t2:
i hope you manage to find what works for you, i really do.

i was thinking about bereavement counselling but i think i wasn’t ready but as time’s gone on i may give it a go just to see if it makes a difference.
Society has us believing we need to “get over it” and by a certain timeframe but that’s not the reality. We’re human and we each grieve differently.

I’m glad the medication is helping you. Nature and creativity has been my therapy, i started a small business in memory of dad, making bereavement keepsakes and it’s made me feel close to him, helped me to switch off from the world, and brought me some comfort in these difficult times

have a Google search of bereavement groups local to you and it should hopefully pop up with some. It’s a shame we all come from different area’s as it would be good to have a meet up with people on here

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sorry i replied to your other message you’d sent to somebody else :pensive:

i don’t think we ever really truly heal - our heart’s will be missing a piece forever but what i do know is that life will grow around our grief, we will find moments of joy and happiness again and our hearts will begin to fill with so much love.
I came across a quote which said pain and joy can live alongside eachother and at the same time (something like that) and tbh it’s actually true because my heart’s felt immeasurable pain but at the same time i’ve felt joy remembering the memories and having gratitude for being here

your grief is very recent so try not to pressure yourself into thinking you need to be healed or “better” - just allow every feeling and emotion to surface, sit with it, let it do its thing and just take it one step at a time x

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No problem, honestly any advice, suggestions and the truth is what I welcome.
I feel you are right in saying that we don’t ever truly heal because that is what I actually feel. Although knowing this is depressing, I still prefer to have the truth. You mentioned moments of joy and happiness but this is not what I have experienced ie my daughter passed her 4th degree last year and you would think I would have been over the moon but I did not feel the joy I felt when she passed the other 3. I was happy for her but did not feel that joy myself, instead I cried uncontrollably because I missed my mum. There have been other moments too when you would have thought I would be ecstatic but I felt no joy at all. I will do what you suggest ie one step at a time. Thank you. xx

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Another thing I want to mention is that I cannot seem to remember ANY happy memories and believe me there were plenty. It’s like my mind has erased all those memories. What I do keep thinking about and remembering vividly is how my mum suffered from illnesses for 21 months before she passed away, how she was in and out of hospital 11 times, how she died in front of me, how I had to resuscitate her, all the pain and suffering - all the negative things. I don’t want to remember these awful things but these are the things I do remember which really doesn’t help me. :frowning: x

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hey, i hope you’re hanging in there, sorry for the delay in replying.

don’t feel too bad about not feeling the joy like the previous 3 passes because you’re in the deep raw stages of grief so right now you’re in darkness which is totally understabdable and i’m sure your daughter understands

it’s coming up to 3yrs since my Dad died and only in the last 6mths ish i’ve began to feel moments of joy and have had memories pop into my head over the month’s, bringing me comfort alongside my pain so just be patient because they will come, it just takes a little bit of time - it’s difficult to see how joy and light will come again but it will - it won’t feel it right now but just keep putting one foot in front of the other and feel all of your emotions, cry all of those tears, scream your lungs out, do what you need to do to get by another day and just know we’re all here beside you :pray:t2: x

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oh and another truth bomb…

most of the time i’m wearing a mask, even in the joyous moments it’s as though it’s not me and i’ve perfected putting on a mask - and it’s only when i’m at home it comes off

grief changes us, i don’t recognise myself and just when i think Steff is back it’s a lie, it’s a new version of me, the one that’s adapting to life carrying a backpack of grief…

society has us thinking we should get “over it” and “move on” but no - we move forward with our grief, it’s always there, there’s always going to be a hole in our hearts - we will grieve forever, the pain will just lessen as we navigate each year so don’t pressure yourself thinking you have to be over it and move on - go at your own pace, it’s your life, your grief, your way of coping xx

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