I lost my brother 3 weeks ago. He just turned 40 in December. He was an alcoholic for years. But when our mom died on his birthday in 2021 things got so much worse. I knew it was bad. I started alanon hoping it would be a start to things getting better. His last hospital stay in October 2023 he was bad off. They told him he would die soon if he kept up drinking. He stopped, he stopped for 4 wonderful months. I thought that he was getting better. There were signs of him getting along better. Then on February 15 he started drinking again. I dont understood what happened. And there has been things that make me wonder if he planned on doing this. I allowed almost a week to pass before doing wellness check. And my nightmare came true. He was gone and had been for a few days. I dont know how to handle. I feel that i might as well of been the reason he died. I shouldnt know in our last conversation that he needed me. I failed him in such a big way. It cost him his life. I dont want to even continue with anything. I dont want to feel happiness ever. He was mentall ill and and an alcoholic. I failed him, the liquor store that sold him 3 half gallons of vodka in one day failed, the doctors that wouldnt keep him when they knew he was suicidal failed him and the police who never even gave him a ticket for driving drunk failed him. No one cared but me and in the end im worried that he felt that i failed him too. The thought of him dying at home alone kills me. I dont know what will happen to me if the autopsy comes back saying he suffered and could of been saved. I wont be able to move past that I know i want.
My family thinks i shouldnt read report but i have to know. Know what happened. Has anyone experienced a loss like this and how did you cope with findings in autopsy.

Hi @beverlydabomb,

I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your brother that brings you here.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support so giving this thread a gentle bump, but I also wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.

  • Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
  • Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
  • Our Bereavement Information pages can help to explain some of the feelings and emotions you are feeling.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Sue Ryder Online Community team