I read somewhere that writing about ones grief can help, I also read that trying to write it like poetry, so I did.

My Darkness, My Safe Place.

Two years in the darkness of grieving two years of sadness, then you died and the grief really hit.
Two years knowing the darkness where I have been living, then you died and then it was really dark,
sometimes I look for some light to see if there is anything there,
Nothing but the darkness,

The light frightens me, I don’t want it to invade my darkness,
I’m safe in it, safe from anymore pain,
I have enough pain, I don’t want or need more,
I know I must, one day, return to the light,

How and when I will no longer feel scared of it? I do not know,
But again, I’m safe here,
I can live with my pain, it’s mine and mine alone,
I understand it, I can talk to it, embrace it, love it, because my love is here in the darkness with me,
It is my space, it is the space where I can love and be loved,
I can cry in here, I can see my love, feel my love,

If I see glimmer of light, I may briefly come out to see what it is,
But if it scares me, I’ll go back,
Back to My Safe Place.
Back to where my love is with me again.
Don’t look for me in the darkness,
Find me when I come into the light,
Even if I come to it only briefly, find me then,
Then let me return to My Safe Place until my next brief visit to the light.

The time may well come, when I seek the light again,
But not yet, not until the light no longer scares me,
And I no longer need My Darkness and My Safe Place, until then, know that I am safe where I am.

I tried to find some light, but it was not a light I knew, it was not the light I wanted,
That light has gone, it is a memory, it is inside me all the time,
My memories of the light I knew exist in My Safe Place, no one can be there when I seek them and wait for them to come to me, when they do, then I can see my light again, hold it, look into it, be alive in its brightness, once again dazzled by its beauty, it’s warmth, feel its touch, talk to it, tell it how much I miss it,
It’s radiance is brief, I must then wait for the next time my light shines again in My Darkness, My Safe Place,

Maybe that’s why I stay, waiting for my light to come to me, to comfort me, to help me exist in this place,
To show me a path to the new light I must one day come into.
But while my light still shines for me in My Darkness, there I shall live. My Safe Place.

Let me dwell here, I beg you, don’t try to make me see the new light, I am not ready to see it yet, it is not my light. I don’t belong there, in that new light, it holds nothing for me,
I know it’s there,
I sometimes see a brief glimpse of it, But it scares me to look at it for more than a few moments,
I see nothing in it for me at this time,

You might want me to join you in this light, But I am not ready to see it,
Not until My Darkness My Safe Place holds nothing for me do I want to see the light you want to show me, and to live in the light again.

Wait for me there, I will be there in time,
Be patient with me, be there for my brief visits, but let me go back to My Darkness My Safe Place when I need to go back.

Maybe one day, a light might shine bright enough to enter My Darkness My Safe Place,
If it finds me ready, maybe just maybe, I will come back into the light,
A different light, a new one, one that I can see and learn to live with.

Please feel free to add more if it helps you!

1 Like

Thats really good and from your heart.
I have a book that I write in, whether it’s a letter to him, a poem, or relating the day to paper, plus my dreams of him. And I date everything so I can look back and see how far I’ve come. Hopefully we’ll be able to look back in future years and remember how desperately sad we were, and have since healed a bit.
I sound optimistic, don’t I?!

1 Like

Stay optimistic, it will help, I was a glass half full person before it all went wrong, I’m trying to get back to that mind set, hopefully I’ll get there in the not too distant future.