Grief

Losing a partner
1

I finished chemo on sept 6th my husband had a massive stroke on sept 18th and died on sept 28th i know it’s only 4 weeks and im told it’s time and in time ill be ok but I feel so sad I’m crying non stop the pain of grief is unbearable I don’t know what to do I can’t do this
how do people get through I feel like I’m dying a bit more every day

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Maria, my husband died on September 24. I am right there with you. It is completely normal for you to be crying non-stop, you lost your husband AND you have chemo running through you which also messes with your head, your emotions, your entire body. Cut yourself some slack and cry your eyes out.

Everyone handles loss in their own way and in their own time. For me, I can only think one hour ahead of time, to think about the future without my husband and the future I lost is too much, so my future is the next hour for now.

Every day I make a list of 5 things to accomplish. Big things, small things, all things. I get them done, check them off the list and it is physical proof to me that I am moving forward. 5 things a day, 35 per week, 150 per month.

Make a list, do 5 things. Think only an hour ahead of time and you will slowly emerge from despair.

Even those whom have lost a spouse tell me that it gets better with time. Believe them, they know. In 18 months you will be in a different space mentally. This I know to be true as this is not my first loss.

A bit of us goes into the coffin with every person we lose. For widows and widowers, half of us gets buried along with the entire future we planned.

So we survive as half a person with an unknow future as best we can.

Cry, scream, stay in bed, go for walks - whatever is best for you in that moment.

There are no rules. We will all make it.

Much love.

3

Thank you for your kind message
In my sensible head I know in time I will accept what I cannot change
But my heart is broken and I’m lost in a fog of fear and despair
I wish you the best for the future

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Feel your way through the fog as best you can. Please do not despair, you will make it.

Much love.

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