Hi .im new .i lost my mum back in march this year .im really struggling ,every time i play music i get so upset and just cry ,i lost my dad over 40 years ago and my nan and now my mum ,we was not a close family but the grief im feeling is so strong i feel like i am loosing my family all over again.i have 1 brother but hes not a brother i can talk to he has some kind of autism.i have grown up kids boy and girl and my hubby of 17 years ,im just putting on a smile that i dont want to show …because i wasnt close to my dad and didnt griev properly 40 years ago its like im greiving for him now since my mum passed away in march this year…i had a relationship with my mum for the last 15 years of her life ,i didnt when i was younger and im feeliing so guilty about this ,i just want my mum back …im married and im 65.thank you for reading this 
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Pimples, it is odd that when the last parent dies, we feel orphaned - no matter how old we are. It is good that you had a relationship with your mom for the last 15 years, think only of those years and leave the others behind.
I am so sorry that you are grieving all your losses. I lost my parents 14 and 12 years ago. There isn’t a day that I don’t think of them and miss them terribly.
I can tell you this - in 18 months you will be in a different space. You will come out of the sadness/depression/heartbreak. It will not hurt as much and you will find joy again. It just takes time and we can’t rush it along. No words, no pills, no discussions, no distractions will make it better - only livable. But, it will get better.
Much love.
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