My new wife died from cancer ,she was cremated six days before this Xmas ,we was together 35 years ,then got married shortly before she died ,I loved her dearly
To much probably,I worshiped her ,she fought cancer for twenty years and I looked after her every step of the way ,and now I am unable to control the pain ,grief and untold pain I feel without her,they say there is a afterlife ,if I end my life soon am I chancing not seeing her again in the afterlife ,I know I am selfish but I just cannot cope now ,from24 /7 looking after her to nothing now ,I miss her in every way ,her smile .laughter ,fun ,intelligent way,
Everything ,there is no point anymore
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Hi @Pegg,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling.
I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are in a lot of pain.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you’re feeling with us. It is very normal for people who are grieving to feel a bit lost and not know where to start.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:
https://griefguide.sueryder.org/support/suicide
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.
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If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.
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You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)
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Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
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Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
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You can also find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline.
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Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service and sessions are held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information about this service here: sueryder.org/counselling.
You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.
You deserve care and support so please, @Pegg, get in touch with one of these services.
Take care,
Alex
Pegg, there are many people on here that will be so glad you wrote down your feelings, please know we have some understanding of what you are going through and are sending you love and a listening ear.
My husband died at 58, 8 months ago from stomach cancer and this last week has been even more challenging than I could ever have imagined, so be gentle with yourself, you are in the eye of the storm, this has just happened and I don’t know if this will help, but it was in and around my husband’s funeral and cremation that he made his presence known to me in a few odd and unexplained ways, meaning your wife’s energy may well be there with you still. The advice given to me was to talk to him, involve him in conversation about normal daily activities and if you can, allow people to be with you even for short bursts of time. I put photos everywhere, carried his watch and glasses to cafes, bedside table, in my handbag. Thinking of you.
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Thank you for replies and trying to help,after writing my post it became to much for me ,I put photos out as you say but then it hurt to much seeing them,I put them away ,I got them out again ,I am totally lost I read and reread the information and rules on how to ask for help,but I just can’t adsorb anything,I’m not daft,far from it ,but can’t do the simplest things now,the funeral didn’t help,my wife’s friend spoke and said about days out they had together,it was doing something that I had thought my wife had known it was just our super special time and fun just together now I know even that little special sometimes thing was not special after all,it’s hurt so much that I am not sure where I am now,how can they do that ,I never knew they was ,I’m so let down,I loved her so much ,gave her everything,shared everything,now yesterday I find this out about them ,what is the point of anything,I have two old dogs,I have to keep them it’s not their fault ,my wife wasn’t being unfaithful to me in a bed way ,but just uncaring to think of how much hurt this has cost me ,I can’t ever change it now ,life is a bastard( sorry)
Don’t want to be coarse,don’t know what to do ,just every fibre in my body wants to just die,not being melodramatic just don’t want to live anymore,the day before her cremation and two days after it all strange things kept happening around me ,I didn’t imagine them ,they happened,at one point something happened and it stopped
From ending myself,now it’s even worse
As next day I suddenly for no reason felt her leave me ,it was like a spirit going ,but she had been dead for days ? It’s made it worse,why did the gormless idiot have to just talk about himself constantly,as people there said ,and why did my wife let me down this much by going out for the day ,playing what was special to us with him? Have I just been a fool for 35 years
I adored my wife ,even her footsteps if you understand ,she had a completely free life
I had no suspicions,she definitely was not unfaithful,just never gave this a thought,I can’t tell her what it meant to me it’s to late now.
But what of my dogs then,? Im trapped
Can’t even do what would end this misery .
Why am I writing all this I can’t understand
Myself at all,my two dogs won’t leave my side,I am laying on my bed they have come in every night and day,thank you anyway for the answers to me [[quote=“MrsC.x, post:3, topic:97309, full:true”]
Pegg, there are many people on here that will be so glad you wrote down your feelings, please know we have some understanding of what you are going through and are sending you love and a listening ear.
My husband died at 58, 8 months ago from stomach cancer and this last week has been even more challenging than I could ever have imagined, so be gentle with yourself, you are in the eye of the storm, this has just happened and I don’t know if this will help, but it was in and around my husband’s funeral and cremation that he made his presence known to me in a few odd and unexplained ways, meaning your wife’s energy may well be there with you still. The advice given to me was to talk to him, involve him in conversation about normal daily activities and if you can, allow people to be with you even for short bursts of time. I put photos everywhere, carried his watch and glasses to cafes, bedside table, in my handbag. Thinking of you.
[/quote]
***[quote=“MrsC.x, post:3, topic:97309, full:true”]
Pegg, there are many people on here that will be so glad you wrote down your feelings, please know we have some understanding of what you are going through and are sending you love and a listening ear.
My husband died at 58, 8 months ago from stomach cancer and this last week has been even more challenging than I could ever have imagined, so be gentle with yourself, you are in the eye of the storm, this has just happened and I don’t know if this will help, but it was in and around my husband’s funeral and cremation that he made his presence known to me in a few odd and unexplained ways, meaning your wife’s energy may well be there with you still. The advice given to me was to talk to him, involve him in conversation about normal daily activities and if you can, allow people to be with you even for short bursts of time. I put photos everywhere, carried his watch and glasses to cafes, bedside table, in my handbag. Thinking of you.
[/quote]
***](https://Why live)
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Pegg, I hear you. You’re definitely not daft, but in shock and overwhelmed, I recognise it.
There’s a lot of info. Do this one thing, if nothing else x ….
[quote=“Alex, post:2, topic:97309”]
You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional
Pegg, I felt the same as you and had planned to end my life. 4 years on I am still here and my dogs keep me going. They are the reason I get up each day. Everything is so raw for you and I can feel your pain in your words. Don’t give up. You are facing a massive trauma and you need help and time to heal. I couldn’t do it alone and at the time everything seemed insurmountable. As you have mentioned the afterlife I will share with you that a friend contacted my local church because she was so concerned about me and they did help me and discussed spiritual matters with me. The pastor and I had some deep discussions which helped. Its just a thought, but I did receive a degree of comfort and ongoing support. My advice would be to seek and take any help available . I was always a strong person but my loss brought me to my knees and I didn’t want to be strong anymore. If I am able to survive so are you. It’s not easy but you will eventually find ways to work around this. I will pray for you to find the strength and courage to get you through.
May God bless you.
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Dearest @sam21
What a truly beautiful soul you have.
God bless you.
Love, hugs and strength to you
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