Hi i lost my husband of 19yrs being married 2 months ago i hate my life and wished i never felt this pain i dont want to wake up in the mornings and dont want to be alive most days. I hate it when people say it will get better i dont want better i want my husband i want to grow old with him i dont want to be alone im so empty and lonely
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Treacle, so sorry for your loss. You will find most of us are in the same boat on here, not a place anyone would want to be. Do you want to tell me a little about him. It sounds like he was a special man xx
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I cant right now all i do is cry i know alot of people go through it i dont want to feel this gutt wrenching pain anymore
So sorry, Treacle. It is 4 months for me. Most of us here feel/felt the same pain. And the same feelings of not seeing any point in carrying on. When people say that it gets better it doesn’t seem possible, how can it get better if we can’t have our loved one back?
All I can say is just take one hour at a time. Don’t look too far into the future.
We are all here for you.
Hugs xx
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So sorry to hear this and unfortunately the only way I found to deal with the enormity of the pain and loss in the first few weeks was to take each hour as it comes and try to eat small amounts. My head was so full of thoughts I didn’t want to have I could scream but I’m 11 weeks into this nightmare now and my mind is calmer and I’m taking baby steps forward because I have children and grandchildren who love me. I hope the people on this forum will be able to help you in some small way as they certainly are helping me. Sending you hugs.X
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It is horrible, but we are all here to help you as we are going through the same. I lost my husband of 40 years 3 months ago and those weeks have felt like a roller coaster ride. his death was so sudden I’m sometimes not sure I believe he has gone. Sending a hug xx
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Thank you guys so much its a lonely scary place to be even when you have people around you, you still feel like your on your own its strange when all of sudden you have people around you and then you hardly see or hear from anyone im guessing as they havent experienced this torture they cant understand.
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Treacle I have gone through an experience that has been the worst of my life, my trauma was that it was so sudden and unexpected. You are right that ( luckily) not everyone gets to go through this experience and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
Try to be kind to yourself, have a soak in the bath, watch a film ( you probably need to watch one you have seen before as I find I can’t concentrate!) or go out for a meal with a close friend. Accept any help offered. Have you seen your GP if you are feeling really low? Xx
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The only way I’ve been sort of able to cope is to write a list of things to do each day. Sometimes I achieve them but not always. It’s a horrible road to travel and nobody understands unless they have been through it. I am nearly a year since my husband died, the shock has subsided but unfortunately not the grief. Lots of hugs x
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Hi @treacle. It is so hard for you right now and you are right, people have no idea of how painful and lonely this grief is.
I see you have a 15 year old at home. How is he coping ? My youngest is just 16 and today she had to come home from school as she was having a really bad day. Tears again tonight and it’s been over 6 months since her dad passed - time in itself isn’t a healer - but it does get less raw.
We talk about her dad a lot and it’s hard work to get her to open up about her feelings but she’s getting better at that and slowly learning how to manage. I get a lot of strength from her and my other kids so maybe you can support each other.
It really is just one day at a time - dont think of the longer term. And make sure you are looking after yourself.
Sending love and strength to you xx
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So sorry, Treacle. Yes, it’s just the worst, but everyone is here for you. Sending hugs.
My 15 yr old just carries on like nothings happened he doesn’t talk to me the school are keeping a eye on him with been fighting 2yrs with hes dads cancer right to the end so hes behaviour at school in the last 2yrs has not been great. Hes never been a talker anyway but im proud of him he saw hes dad after he died not my idea btw, and carried hes dads coffin and spoke about him at the funeral. I cant cope seeing couples or people being happy when im dying inside
I am finding it hard to wish couples “happy anniversary”, especially as my husband died suddenly 4 days before our 40th anniversary ( we were off on holiday to celebrate too) I am ok with couples though - I had my husband for 43 years and I know I was lucky to have someone who loved me since I was 17, and had grown up with me. I can only hope my friends and family have as much love as I received
I’m getting better seeing couples I don’t know but struggle to meet any friends who are in their couple.
I also can’t tolerate people telling me about their holidays, plans, special events as it upsets me so much. It’s not that I don’t want people to stop their lives, it’s just that hearing about it reminds me of how much I have lost, and it just makes me more sad for me and my kids.
I try explain it to people - some get it but some don’t and keep just telling me things I don’t care about anymore.
So I now have a much smaller circle of friends, which is sad but also fine by me.