Grieving a parent with whom you had a difficult relationship

[Seaneen]

Hello @HB63,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story with us. Everyone’s experiences of loss and grief are unique, and yours are just as valid as anyone else’s. You deserve care and support, too.

I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts. In the meantime, here are some threads by other members who are grieving a parent they had a difficult relationship with that you might like to read. You are not alone.

This is from @Rach81, who has also lost her mum:

I am struggling

My mum died 4 days ago. We didn’t speak for a year as our relationship wasn’t the best and I’m afraid to say she was a narcissist. I have found out that mum didn’t want me at the hospital before she passed. She wasn’t the best parent but I still loved her. It’s hurts a lot to know she didn’t want to see me on her death bed. I’m not sure how I’m going to get through this.

@Jojoba talks about his relationship with his dad in this thread:

Complicated relationship with dad who passed away 3 wks ago

I lost my dad 3 weeks ago and I am struggling to come to terms with it. It still doesn’t feel real, I felt as though I wasn’t present at the funeral and had hoped I would feel a sense of closure afterwards. My relationship with my dad was complicated. His alcoholism caused aggressive, abusive behaviours and destroyed our family also resulting in him developing alcohol related dementia. He was living in a residential home due to declining health and vulnerability, during COVID we couldn’t visit, …

If you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. You might also want to look at our Grief Guide, which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief.

Take care,
Seaneen