Grieving before death!

Hello, I’ve lost 2 people very close to me over the past 7 years, now i have become so terrified at the thought of loosing my mum. She is 89 and not in bad health for her age, but i know the inevitable is coming When on my own i cannot stop crying, its as if she has already gone, i feel stupid and know i should be making the most of whatever time she has left, but this is consuming me with fear and dread. I cannot mention to family or friends because they will not understand. Am i alone in feeling this way? I feel like 1 am going mad!

1 Like

Hi @Dk15 i dont think youre alone in feeling like this, especially when youve already suffered loss, it makes you realise the fragility of life and hold those you love even closer to you. My mum suffered with various health issues all her life, so i often would be filled with fear about losing her even as a child. Then as she got older, my dad died unexpectedly and especially when covid hit that fear intensified even more, worrying about how she might go, how would i react. But then you end up living 10 steps ahead in your head in the future and not living NOW, in the present with your precious Mum. One thing that helped me with this was to start a daily meditation practice using an app - you can start on as little as 3 minutes a day. For me, it helped to bring me back to the here and now and stop worrying about what i couldnt control/predict.

Last year mum was taken into hospital following a fall and we were told she had just hours to live. We brought her home, and amazingly she improved and lived another 11 months. We had no idea at the time just how long we would have - days, weeks etc and the reality is that actually NONE of us know that. What it did was make us enormously grateful for every extra moment we had together. So enjoy the small moments, the ordinary times together as well as the special events, ask your Mum all the questions youve always meant to, and tell her every day you love her. :heart:

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. i honestly thought i was going mad! i will try meditation, anything is worth a go if it quiets my mind, even for a little while. I am so sorry you lostyl your Mum last year, life is so terribly difficult and cruel.

You’re very welcome. So many of us either spend time in our heads replaying past issues, or imagining future issues, and dont notice whats here and now. Meditation is simply a tool to train the brain to be present and to realise when it wanders. I also kept a journal, just recording some of the times with mum - not always big events, but it gives a great deal of comfort to now look back and relive those moments.

You are not going mad, I felt like this when my Mum was very poorly, my Dad had fallen and broken his hip and was in hospital when my Mums health started to deteriorate very quickly. I was doing all her end of life care, but the few weeks prior I was playing every scenario over in my head which didn’t help. My Mum passed away the day my Dad came out of hospital. They had been married 68 years…what a way for a marriage to end. I thought that was the worst day of my life. How wrong I was, I found my son passed away in bed in March, drugs related. I have come to the conclusion over thinking doesn’t help. Not sure if I’ve been any help or not. Take care