My Mum died last year from Covid. I wasn’t allowed to see her because of lockdown and Covid. She had been in hospital for a week (she went in on her Birthday), when I had a phone call from the doctor saying she wasn’t responding to treatment so he was going to put her on Palliative care and that I could come to see her the next day. Unfortunately she died before I could get there. I didn’t get to see her again as it had to be a closed coffin because it was covid. For the last 2 years my Mum had been in a care home which she absolutely hated and kept begging me to take her home but I couldn’t look after her as I have health problems myself. I feel that I really let her down because I had always promised her that I wouldn’t put her in a home and I did. When she was at home she had a carer come in twice a day but they were in and out so quickly it wasn’t worth them being there. My mum had to talk them through how to make a cup of coffee because they didn’t know how to do it and she liked a piece of toast in the morning but they didn’t know how to do that either, the carer put the bread on a baking tray and put it on the top of the cooker so really it was just warm bread. Perhaps if she had better carers she could have stayed at home, also I feel that if she hadn’t been in the home she wouldn’t have got covid (someone in the home went in there with Covid and mum caught it) and she would still be alive. I can’t stop crying, my Mum was also my best friend and because it was just us two we went everywhere together. I just want to be with her. I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing her. I cry from the time i get up untill the time I go to bed.
I lost my mam suddenly on the 14th September. She called the night before as I was staying at my sons for the night and she was in the best spirits that she’d been for a long while, laughing and joking to the point my son asked if she’d had a drink!
We spoke a dozen times a day and had a weekly outing together and I long for one more phone call, one last chat, one last shopping trip …
I only remember how she died and I have to try and remember how she was the night before but that hurts as she wasn’t ready to leave us they way she did I miss her every minute of every day.
I don’t talk to anyone as to the way I feel as I am the strong one and cope with what is thrown at me but its hard and but I have to get through this remember how we laughed and argued and fell out but more importantly how she was always there for me.
I feel as though I am a jigsaw missing one piece.
I completely relate to your feelings after losing my mum last week. Especially wanting one last coffee morning, pub lunch or just sitting around on the sofa. It sounds like you had a great relationship with your mum and that must give you comfort. But it’s really hard isn’t it? I’m just hoping that the good memories will make this easier one day x
I lost my mum suddenly nearly 7 weeks ago. She said she had sinus and panic attacks. But it wasn’t abs the guilt I feel for not realising it was serious…. And the regret that if I had things could of been so different.
She FaceTimed me the night before. She picked up her dinner like she normally did on a Sunday and said I didn’t put enough salt in it. 24 hours later she’s in hospital on life support after dying at home in her bed for 30 mins. I’m so glad my sister was there and a doctor which I called to go and see her to check her over and give her reassurance!!! My head is so messed up and I can’t cope with this. I’m existing for my 2 girls. All my friends have vanished into thin air and I feel so lost, lonely and isolated and not knowing what the hell I’m going to do. Sorry for having a meltdown on your post but you’re not alone. Either of you. Hopefully we can somehow offer each of us some support in this awful time.
Hugs to both
Nic xx
I totally relate I lost my dad this year he was only 59, and I don’t think anyone gets it. You just feel so sad and empty, you ask yourself what purpose do I have in life??? Sounds like we all had good rapports with our parents, I am sorry I can’t offer you a hug but I can offer you a hug virtually I think in due time we will learn to accept they may not be here physically but in mind, body and spirit they are still with us. 
You will never forget the good times together
Grief comes in waves with a feeling of hopelessness but the good memories are there, they are coming back.
This is the first time I have opened up and let the tears fall. 
and to be honest I am not alone we all have similar experiences we just need to keep talking and sharing and sending hugs 
L Coral. I am sorry for your loss and I certainly understand all the difficult circumstances with losing a mum in the middle of covid. Several things you mentioned ( closed coffin) have been the source of so much extra grief. Since we were able to have mum’s ashes interred in August, I just suddenly went to pieces. The reality of the shock hit me. I work very hard every day to try and overcome my anxiety but it’s really hard. I’m under a psychiatrist anyway, but I’ve needed do much extra support. I think that the experience of our loss during a time of restrictions compounds the sadness if you like. The thing which keeps me going is the knowledge that I feel mum’s guiding hand on the road to healing - I think about her every day but I try to think of one positive thing. I know she would want thus for me - my mum is so much missed and loved but I won’t give up trying to get mentally well because I know she is watching over me and the thought of y jus helps. When I have horrible intrusive thoughts about not being there at the end etc, I try to remind myself this was totally out of my control and mum would understand this. Nevertheless, after a year and a bit I feel extremely sad x