It is not yet two weeks since my dear husband left this earth. I would not want him to suffer any more. Parkinson’s Disease took such a horrible toll on his body and mind. But, I just cannot believe that I will never see or hear him again. I cry all of the time I miss him so much. I’ve read a couple of books about losing your spouse and friends keep telling me that time will help. I just feel so lost and empty. I make myself get out of the house and go in stores but I just wander around. I go to the park but still just so lost. We were together 33 years. We were so good together. I know I will never have anyone love me so unconditionally and be such a true friend.
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Hello, and I’m so sorry for your loss. You are at the start of a journey you didn’t want to take. Baby steps. Don’t expect too much of yourself. I am almost six months into my life without my husband, he was my soulmate and I have never known such pain and grief until I lost him. We were together for 39 years. I am 59. I have great difficulty sleeping. I am exhausted all the time. My GP gave me sleeping tablets which I only take when absolutely necessary such as the night before a long drive. I try to keep busy all of the time. My dogs help because I simply have to get up and to walk them, that’s all they want to do. This site will help you. There are so many people out there who understand your situation and your feelings. It is a comfort to know that there truly are other people who totally get what it’s like to lose the love of your life. I have also just started to attend a face to face bereavement support group, only been once so far, but I will be going again. Friends and family are good to keep near for support in a number of things but they do have their own lives to get on with. I tell myself that six months is a fraction of the 39 years we were together so of course I will miss everything we had. It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to do but each day is just a tiny bit more manageable. I think we all just eventually learn to live a new way of life. Be kind to yourself. Jo
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Thank you for your reply and understanding. I’m sorry you are going through terrible loss and grief.
It does seem to help knowing others are feeling the same about losing the person they love so deeply.
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My husband also had Parkinson’s which ravaged his body and mind. He was unable to walk, move, talk, eat. If fact he could do nothing but lay and let others sort his body out. His mind was taken over with paranoia but his brain was strong and intelligent he was trapped in his body and mind and I always said my real husband was taken from me and I was left an imposter to care for. I loved him whoever he turned into and miss him so much. He left me 2 months ago.
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My husband died of lung cancer in April this year but the man I married was taken about March because the lung cancer had spread to his brain. He could not talk or eat or coordinate his hands and the cancer had already robbed his mobility. Similarly, all Derek could do was lay in bed. I was his carer. It’s all so cruel
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My husband was taken about 2 years ago as the person I knew. I was his main carer and paranoia set in and he even made me try his food before eating. (when he was able to eat). within that 2 years he lost all mobility, speech and really anything that he could do for himself was gone. I thought when the time came and he passed I would have been grieving for the person I knew but it really makes no difference, the sadness and feelings are so strong, I push myself to do things to join in things etc. My children are ace at finding me things to do but I feel like a robot. I don’t mind being on my own but that’s when your brain kicks in and the tears flow. I just talk to him constantly. Sorry for my long reply but its good to be able to put in words what I constantly feel.
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Thank you for your message. I’m very sorry for your loss. I know you truly understand. No one prepared me for the horrors of Parkinson’s. I read about it but that didn’t tell me how bad it would be near the end and how rapid his decline would be. I was still purchasing things to try to help him two days before he died.
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Thank you for your reply. It is helpful. I’m sorry to hear how much you hurt. I feel exactly the same way.
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When my husband was told he had Parkinson’s I thought oh the shakes but he didn’t shake. Within 6 years he was gone. Others seem to live many more years. We were also told Parkinson’s didn’t kill you. NO it’s the things Parkinson’s leads to that do that.
His decline was rapid at the end and I think that’s what haunts me the most at the moment. I wasn’t prepared and like you still trying to buy things that would help him improve xx
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I’m very sorry. You are correct. It is very cruel.
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I’m so sorry for your loss, the thought of you suffering the same heart break I feel saddens me. It’s not a feeling you wish on your worst enemy. My husband and I were like chalk and cheese but I love him with all of my heart. We were married for 35 years but met 45 years ago. Please message even if it’s only just to make you feel better for writing it down x
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I lost my lovely husband 11 weeks ago , in expectedly, he went out as he had done dozens of times to play walking football and died on the pitch. He was 66. We were married 42 years. I feel utterly lost, unbearably sad, confused, exhausted.I have. wonderful family and friends, but I’m just want him. Last night I had such a vivid dream he came up behind me and put his arms around me, it felt so real I woke up with tears on my face.
I have quite advanced Parkinson’s disease, he was my strength, my support, always asking if I was ok even at 3 am when this awful condition stops any comfortable sleep. I am so scared for the future without him.
Thinking of you all going through this unbearable time ,
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Hello Lulu,
So sorry to read your post. I have lost two husbands suddenly to cardiac arrest, and I loved both of them dearly. My first husband died when he was out running. That was 20 years ago, he was 55.I married my second husband five years later, he had a cardiac arrest in bed next to me 4 months ago. He was 69. Both of them were fit and well with no history of heart problems, and the shock is awesome.
I can only imagine how frightened you are feeling. This site has been such a lifeline for me. I hope you find as much support here as I have.
Sending love, hugs and strength.
Xx
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My heart goes out to you.
Parkinson’s is enough for you to deal with without adding heartbreak to it.
I hope you find support to help you with both your loss and your Parkinson’s. X
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Thats exactly my story. The spread to the brain was awful to witness. My husband died 3 weeks ago. Ive blocked it out, his passing was not anyway near peaceful, it was horrific. Im now awake all night and crying constantly so much physical pain i feel like dying too.
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Hello bonnie68, I have felt the same, I would rather be with my husband than living this unwanted new normal. But I have a daughter who needs me and I couldn’t do that to her. Do you have any family or friends support? Your pain will be so roar right now. It does fade. I’m nearly six months without my soulmate and I’m not sure it ever completely goes but I guess we learn to cope with it. I still can’t sleep. Totally exhausted all the time. You need to be kind to yourself, sleep whenever or wherever you can, keep hydrated and eat a little as often as you can. Sending hugs, Jo
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Hello Willow
I am so sorry to hear you have gone through the trauma of losing 2 beloved husbands suddenly, it is so frightening that it can happen without any warning causing unbearable shock and disbelief.
I have found some comfort from this group, knowing I am not alone knowing so many are experiencing the same heartache and pain.
Thank you xx
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Thank you x ive got family and friends support. Our lovely dog, shes 9 now and if she wasn’t here the house would be so quiet. I have moments of being out of control crying, full on cramps. Im shocked it hurts so much.
Grief and the pain from grief can be a very real physical symptom. I remember in my early days when I sobbed and sobbed it felt like a tennis ball stuck in my throat and a knot in my stomach…for me, these physical things have more or less gone but I’m just left empty and the anti depressants I take control my tears but nothing helps sleep or my low mood…time is the best medicine but it just helps you able to cope with the aftermath of the loss…jo
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My heart truly goes out to you. I wish there was some way to bring you comfort.
But, know nothing we say or do can take away the terrible loss we feel. My husband passed 5 weeks ago. I miss him every second of every day,
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