I lost my husband and my world to cancer on 12 September. I had been his carer in the later months. I miss him so much. I don’t miss the cancer patient and feel like i lost my husband months ago. I felt like the cancer was a mistress in our marriage as she changed my husband and she eventually took him away from me. Does anyone else understand? I feel so lost.
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My husband didn’t have cancer but I do understand. My husband couldn’t walk for the last 7 months of his life and I cared for him too. After he died I got rid of everything associated with his illness and started trying to remember when life was better for us. At the moment it’s still raw for you and your mind will go over and over the bad stuff, as time passes you will be able to push that back a bit and remember the times before the illness. So sorry for your loss. You’ve come to a good place to get support.
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My husband had Parkinson’s and I said Parkinson’s took my husband and left me an imposter for the last 2 years. I cared for the imposter who had awful paranoia and eventually lost his mobility, speech, swallow everything to this thing. I did love the imposter as I could still see qualities of my husband and I was his carer. Eventually Parkinson’s took him from me completely and I miss him, no words can express how much. I understand your explanation of how you dealt with your husbands illness it’s very similar to mine. The illness is the intruder xxx
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Thank you so much for your reply, it helps when people understand. I got rid of any signs of cancer within the first couple of days. 
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I couldn’t wait to get cancer out if my house.
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I completely understand what you’re saying.
My husband died of colon cancer in June, he was 49. He’d been fighting it for 18 months , the last 6 months he was quite symptomatic from the chemo so became fatigued, didn’t join in as much with family life etc which was hard for us all.
When treatment stopped his deterioration was rapid, 6 weeks really.
He was always full of life and fun, always making us laugh. His last few weeks he was so courageous but so different, preparing for his own personal journey I couldn’t be with him for.
I think I have been grieving for 2 years, the anticipatory grief was brutal enough but we grieved togeather which helped. My grief now is very different, relief his suffering is over but desperate loss.
We made wonderful memories last year which I’m so grateful for.
I still remember my husband before he was ill more than when he was ill, thankfully.
Can make the loss even harder though, grief seems a double edged sword for me .
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My husband passed away in July 2023 after having stomach cancer, we thought we had longer together but it spread very quickly. In the last few weeks my life revolved around hospitals and medication, I felt like I had lost him a week before he lost his fight. I got rid of the hospital bed and medication as soon as I could as didn’t want them here as reminders of the illness. I understand fully how you are feeling.
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I understand completely. I lost Martin on 20th August to cancer. I feel that Martin went away and left this sick stranger for me to care for. I did my very best for the poor chap until he died but my Martin never came home again. I feel cheated out of my time with Martin because I was looking after this sick man. I just want Martin back here with me. I’ve cried for weeks and I’m getting more lonely every day without him.
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I definitely feel like my life has stopped. I had carers coming in 3 times a day, nurses coming and going 24hrs, oxygen machine humming away, family and friends visiting and now nothing, just silence and an empty house.
It’s the silence that is so hard for me too. We also had carers at the end and Drs, nurses, etc popping in. I used to leave the front door unlocked so I didn’t have to keep getting up and down, I’ve got very bad knees, and everyone just walked in. Now I can go days without the front door opening. I’m not one for having the radio or tv on just for noise so the house is silent. The village we’re in lost the landlines in the floods a week ago, I don’t have a mobile and I’m struggling to work out how Martin’s mobile works so I can’t even ring people for company. The saying is “Silence is golden” but for me its hell on earth.