I lost my mum last week. It was sudden and completely unexpected. I have felt so traumatised and the pain comes in waves and feels too much to breathe through when it peaks.
I just can not take in the reality of never seeing her again or hearing her voice.
I was at work when my dad called me and the thought of ever being back in that office, or at my desk where I took the call, just seems so impossible. I have known sadness before from the passing of extended family or people who I cared about. I never knew what all consuming grief was until the 25th October 2023.
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@RachelM so sorry for the loss of your Mum. You’re still in shock and in the early raw days of loss. There’s no pain like it, losing a parent is traumatic and devastating. You’ll need time to process what’s happened and to adapt to a different way of living. I can only emphasise as there are no words of comfort at this awful time. My Mum also died suddenly and unexpectedly back in January. There had to be a post mortem and it revealed that she had metastatic pancreatic cancer. We didn’t know and nor did she, but she must have been suffering in silence. Make sure you don’t return to work until you feel ready to cope. I had five weeks off until after my Mum’s funeral. Accept all offers of help from anyone who offers. You will get through these dark and difficult days because you have to. Think of everything your Mum has taught you. Sending you best wishes, take care xx
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Thank you so much for your supportive words.
I am very sorry to hear of your loss too and how this must have impacted you 
.
Very similar having to have an autopsy- the outcome was a pulmonary embolism from a DVT. No one could have known.
Sending thoughts to you and thank you again for your kind words, they do help when they are from someone who really understands x
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Hi Rachel, it’s awful and can be traumatic to lose a parent. I only lost my mum 2 months ago, and she was my whole family. I often relive her time in hospital over and over as it was really traumatic. I didn’t think she was going to die despite what she was going through, so I was so unprepared, and only realised right at the end and it was so hard to process. I wish I’d said more to her - I keep reliving what I did and didn’t say. I still can’t believe she’s gone. I don’t think I’ll ever accept what happened and that I no longer have her. I too had 5 weeks off work after she died and threw myself into planning her service. I’ve recently gone back to the office, and it is really hard to try and go back to normal life, with everyone moving on, when inside I’m still so crushed and so distraught without my mum. I go to work and then come home and cry all night. I have a tiny bit of joy watching videos of my mum though so I can see her smiling and hear her voice. Do you have any videos that may help you? X
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Hello Woo4. Thank you for sharing, it is good to speak with people who understand.
I am so sorry for your loss and the sadness. I have found some comfort (strangely maybe), in getting all of the photos together for the service.
It is so hard to accept isn’t it and the feelings of what ifs are just so painful. I can’t imagine being at work and anyone expecting anything normal of me. It may or may not be healthy but I have charged my mums phone up but will forever have it turned off. I have been texting it, so that I can talk to her and tell her how I feel and what I am doing to make things perfect for her day.
I hope one day we can all smile when something about our mums pops in to our heads but that will only happen when it is a subconscious response, not because time has lead people to believe that we should be ready to do that. Take care x
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Hi RachelM, I think texting her is a great thing to do if it helps you feel like you’re speaking to her. I know sometimes people write letters. I have kept my mum’s phone and go on it every now and then so don’t feel I can text it. I light a candle and speak to her picture, but I can’t tell if she can hear me. I wish I could get a sign from her so I know she’s listening and that she’s okay. I remember getting my mum’s pictures together for her service, it’s a nice thing to do. Here to talk if you ever want to private message. It’s hard to find others that understand how hard and unfair it is x
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Hi Woo4. It is so hard, calling so loudly for them inside and yearning so much for them - not to hear them or feel their touch to console us. Lighting a candle is lovely and talking to them I think is soothing for us. I know this may not apply for everyone but where it does, no one has your back like your mum, or the reasoning that you need to make some decisions. I will have to trust in believing in ‘what would my mum say, or advise me to do’ in the future.
Thank you again and here for support whenever it is needed x
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Hi RachelM, you’re totally right, my mum was the same. She would do anything for me, had such unconditional love, was my support, my safety blanket and comfort. I felt so safe just knowing she was around if I needed her, and she’d do anything to help me. I guess I’m lucky, and others like me who have/had mums that love them like that. It just means now they’re gone, it’s so much more of a loss. The yearning is so real, it’s like a physical pain, I feel myself crying out to her so desperately. I agree we must think to ourselves, what would our mums want us to do. They would want us to be OK and carry on. It’s the hardest thing. Thanks for offering support, l likewise here if needed x
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I apologise but I’m in a shop and I just need to should out -
IT’S NOT FAIR 