Grieving for my partner

This is my first post but have read some of the other messages on here and see how many people are suffering the same as me. My lovely partner of 19 years died of cancer last February and although I have moved on a bit I know my life can never be the same and will not be what I had hoped for. To any of you recently bereaved I would say you have to put one foot in front of the other and carry on even when it seems impossible. As time goes on there are more good days but it is difficult when other people think you should have got over it.

Hi Kathryn, it is good to know that eventually there may be some good days, my husband died on 19th of January and every day is an effort. People seem to think you will start feeling better after the funeral but in reality it has been worse. I have a lovely supportive family but I feel so lonely and the future we looked forward to has been taken away. John was only 55 when I lost him to cancer and we had been together 32 years

Hi Joanne I’m so sorry for you and know what you must be going through. My partner Gary was only just 54 and had gone through 2 years of illness which began with a rare type of encephalitis which turned out to have been caused by hidden lung cancer. The weeks after the funeral are the worst, this is when it all starts to sink in. I still have panicky feelings when it hits me again that I won’t see him again but I look at all the photos of
The many happy times we had together. I didn’t want to speak to anyone or go out for a long time but now I meet my friends and laugh again. You will as well even though you don’t beiieve it yet. My thoughts are with you xxx

Hi Kathryn, I too lost my partner, my soulmate, 10 months ago. I miss her desperately. Part of that is, as you say, that life is not what you hoped for. We were retiring this year and intended moving to the coast. I can’t do that without her. She was the outgoing friendly one, I was the quiet, private one.
So now I’m stuck here, because it’s close to my family without whom I would be totally isolated and a bit of a hermit.
We were going to visit many countries, I won’t be doing that now. My retirement, instead of being a happy time, doing all the things we both worked so hard for, has become a prison sentence.
You’re right there are more good days but it’s not only missing your loved one, but the loss of what might have been.

Hi,Kathryn.I have just taken my husband to the Hospice and have ben told he’s a few days away from dying.I am numb and cant imagine never talking to him again.

I can’t imagine what you must be feeling. You can use the time left together to say what you need to though. My partner died suddenly at work. So many things left unsaid breaks my heart.

My heart goes out to you. I was in your position 8 weeks ago and my husband died after 2 days in the hospice. There is nothing anyone can say or do to ease your pain, it is unbearable watching someone you love so much reach the end.
The hospice staff are all wonderful and your husband will be cared for with dignity. Just be there with him xx

Thank you and Im so sorry about your husband.No you are right no words can ease the pain.
thank you again xxx sue

Hi Toby9jack, I know what you mean about your ruined dreams of retirement. I am 63 and although Gary was 8 years younger than me we always talked about our happy retirement together with a little camper van and going off to the Lake District or the Dales and doing lots of walking. I can’t think of my future now it seems very pointless and empty. I’m just marking time but have got to hope I can get some motivation to do what he wanted me to. You will have to focus as well on what your partner wanted for you.

Hello I am thinking of you and your husband. I was with my partner when he died in Weston Park hospital a year ago and still go through it in my head every day. I hope you can say everything you need to say to him in the time you have left together and if he can’t hear you just hold his hand and kiss him

Hi Kathryn.Bob died yesterday and I keep thinking about the last min we had.He was trying to talk but was so drugged up he couldn’t.I think about this all day and the moment he took his last breath…its cutting me up.I for some reason went early along with my son and daughter to visit him and was told he was comfortable but when I went in his room he was agitated I held his hand and told him he was loved and that we are all hear he like I said moved his mouth but took deep breath and died.
love sue

I’m so sorry for your loss Sue. Be comforted by knowing you were all with him at the end and he knew that you love him. His love will stay with you as well.

My husband was 45…
He was my best friend and now although I have amazing family and friends I’m so lonely. …I miss my husband so much… I know I have to get used to the pain. .but life has literally turned into time. …minute by minute … hour by hour. …

My husband was 45…
He was my best friend and now although I have amazing family and friends I’m so lonely. …I miss my husband so much… I know I have to get used to the pain. .but life has literally turned into time. …minute by minute … hour by hour. …

I know just what you mean, my husband was 55 and I feel so lost and lonely. I too have really supportive family and friends but it’s not the same I just want my life with John. Everyone says you learn to live with your loss but that does not seem possible. I agree life is just time to endure

Hi, Joanne.I am trying to support my grown up children but cant believe the love of my life just died.They can and should go back to the normal life they have but what should I do.

I have managed to do all I should. . Got the children to their clubs…bought a birthday card for a friend… will go shopping later …
But I’m moving in a trance keeping Ian in my I’m at all times.
Everyone feels I’m doing so well but if they had a glance of my thoughts and pain I’m not sure they would be thinking I’m doing well.
Ian will have passed month tomorrow and it will be the first time the children visit the grave. I’m going to need all the strength I can muster.
I’ll do it though for my man x

Thank you Mark.

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