My Dad was an incredibly stubborn man, he refused to see a doctor. He didn’t see anyone until he was at a point where he was pretty much untreatable for his illness.
He went into hospital early November and never came home. I was with him when he died just two weeks ago.
I miss him so much, we were so close and my son was the absolute apple of his eye, the the other way around too, my son worshipped his Pap. We saw him and spoke to him at least once a day for William’s entire life.
I’m struggling to know how life can be normal again. How do I fill that gaping hole?
Sorry for the long first post, I guess I just need someone who understands to tell me it’s ok, and it’s going to be ok…. Xx
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Hi @Chezw
Definitely not a long post.
My friend’s dad was similar - he had a growth beneath his beard but refused to get it seen, until it was too late.
Two weeks ago is very very recent. You’ll go through a lot of emotions until you can think about normal. It’s four months for me, and I have no idea.
Sorry I couldn’t help more, but know that you’re amongst people who understand and who care 
.
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I’m so sorry for your loss @Chezw . Your post really resonated with me as my Dad was also incredibly stubborn and wouldn’t ever see a Dr for anything. He collapsed in early November last year, was taken to hospital with what turned out to be a nasty case of pneumonia and a severe kidney infection and he too never came out but passed away 12 days later. He’d been tired and mentioned his side was a bit sore for a few days before (he said from an old fall he’d had 6 months before) but that was about it. He’d never have seen a Dr even though he must have felt really unwell. For a time after he died I was really upset and angry with him for not telling us how unwell he really must have felt but it was him and his choice, been like it his whole life. I was with him too when he passed away and I felt so privileged to have held his hand as he passed (he went into palliative care in the last day so we’d been prepared, as much as anyone ever can be). I can take comfort to know he wasn’t alone or scared because we were with him and I hope you can feel the same.
My adult daughter was so close to him, as was your son to your Dad. They were best mates from the day she was born. She dreams about him a lot now but is doing much better than I ever thought she would have done. He was like a Dad to her.
For us, as a family, we talk about my Dad all the time and keep him very much present still. We can and do look at photo albums and for us it helps. He had such a lovely, gentle sense of humour and we’re able to laugh when we remember things he did or said. It doesn’t take away how much we miss him every single day, and like you said, that gaping hole, but as the months have passed the grief is there but its not all consuming. Sad moments still creep up on me and I’m then a complete mess but I’m trying to live as my Dad would have wanted and how he did when he lost many friends and relatives thru the years. He was so practical and accepted this sad part of life…losing people you love. He’d hate for any of us to be sad so we’re doing our best to create new memories in his honour. Give yourself time and surround yourself with love. Grief is a strange journey and there’s no rules as to when you’ll cope better but you really will. The love you and your Dad shared will always be in your heart and memories and will see you thru the awful moments to come. Sending 
to you and your family.
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