A month ago i lost my amazing husband mark. We met many years ago and had an instant undeniable connection. We could literallt feel the energy between us. Over the years weve grown closer than i ever thought possible. 2/3 years ago he was taken ill with pancreatitis which kept him in hospital for months where the hospital messed up and made him worse on many occassions. Even letting him out too soon leaving me to literally keep him alive whist waiting 18 hours for an ambulance. He ended up in intensive care where we found he also had bowel cancer. They operated and we were told he was clear. So strong after a couple of months at home we were so happy he had his firness back and we were together again. Rhe hospital forgot to follow up and when our doctor enquired it turned out theyd missed him. He got seen was treated like an inconvenience and was then told that the cancer had spread. He went on treatment and handled it well. He had proposed to me years ago but we hadnt set a date so we got married a simple but beautiful day. We went away for our honeymoon then came back for more treatment. The hospital messed up gave mark sepsis then misdiagnosed pain as arthritis and mistreared it for months whilst refusing chemo. We tried for months for a hospital transfer but were refused for no reason. Eventually our gp took over. We saw a new hospital who told us the cancer had spread into the bone. Mark fought so incredibly hard he continued to work and we enjoyed everyday. The new.hospital put him on treatmenr and were really pleased even told us not to worry and to make our move abroad that we planned. Things we good. We were closer than ever hed gotten a job with a great new company and we were planning to move. He was up and down with treatmenr but we enjoyed everyday always soing something together. We even managed a few more roadtrips. And enjoyed our anniversary in europe. But out of the blue mark began to be sick. In just a couple of weeks it got bad and we were told its changed its gotten into his head its a matter of weeks. We got him home and enjoyed some time together even then he fought strong but sadly it got too much and just one day it changed like a switch. And he died in my arms. We were together so peaceful he held me
I held him
We told each other we love each other as we did everyday. As he slipped away.
I love my husband more than words can say. And we made it through so much. And he shouldnt have been taken so soon. The mistakes definitely caused it to come so soon.
Mark was the most beautiful loving thoughtful adventurous amazing man and helped so many people over the years. I am trying to work out how to get by without my soulmate. We were perfect. We had so many plans and dreams. I never thought id be a widow in my 30s. We were trying for a child but it did not happen. He is my missing piece.
It is his funeral tomorrow and it all feels so surreal. I am hoping to speak he meant so much i want to but i dont know if i can.
I love him so much. I know he wanted me to carry on but how do you.
Oh @Beccie86 my heart goes out to you . To lose the one you love is the most terrible loss . I remember the first days of utter shock and despair . There are no words that help now . Just be kind to yourself. Take each hour as it comes and comment on here anytime you need to talk
Hi @Beccie86, I’m so sorry you’re in this situation, the pain is truly unbearable. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly in December 2023, he was/still is my soul mate.
The days do get easier to cope with. I try to live day to day and try not to think about the past or the future. I don’t cry quite so much or scream quite so loudly now.
Like you I am quite young, early 40s, no one I know has gone through this. Not many in my parents’ generation have lost a partner. It is very isolating and most people don’t/can’t understand what it is like.
Try to do what feels right for you and your grief. I like to walk, especially if its raining and have a good cry in the rain. I also bought a notebook that I write in when I am particularly upset, angry words, letters to my husband or how I feel, anything goes.
My heart goes out to you Beccie86
To be left so young is heartbreaking and cruel
I am a great deal older than you and I find the heartbreak almost unbearable, but you must carry on. I wont denyits hard but one step at a time, one day at a time is all you can do. Like Pipp I walk and I write letters to my husband, which is now turning into a diary. It is comforting to put your thoughts down
My husbands funeral was last Friday, it was perfect but I couldnt speak, we had a wonderful celebrant who did that for me.
I hope everything goes well for the funeral and I hope you have love and support from your family and friends.
You have love and support from everyone on this forum
Dear Beccie I feel deeply sorry for your loss and your post brought me to tears. I dont think that anyone can begin to feel what it is like trying to cope with grief and the trauma of watching him suffer and having to fight your dear Marks corner due to mismanagement and inadequacy in the system. I too are in the same situation but this post is to support you not about me. I sincerely hope that his funeral goes as well as it possibly can . Carrying on is hard you can only be kind to yourself and not expect to much from yourself either. I have found that can only take each day as it comes some will be better than others some will be feeling the need for company and support some you may find as I do just want to sob under the duvet . Their is no right or wrong way go with what feels right for you . Sending you much love xxx
Hi beckie, im a lot older than you 73 in fact, my husbands health issues were mismanaged too. He should have had his gallbladder removed after having a large stone removed in 2022. They said he was on waiting list and could be up to 6 months. Unfortunately nothing and it passed 9 months, we asked gp to help they were useless. Then in December 23 he got bad, he was in and out of hospital, one doctor in a and e said “weve let you down”!! He died on 1st February with multiple organ failure, pancreatitus cyst and sepsis of the abdomen. Its always at the back of my mind he should be here now but for the NHS waiting list!! Im going to sue im afraid, formy husbands sake as well as my family, he was very angry too. Hugs to you xx
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband January this year ,he had pancreatic cancer which had spread to his lungs.You can do this it will be hard for you to speak at your husbands funeral ,do it for him ,you will somehow find strength.
Apparently the hospitals are well insured. I lost my husband on the 1st February 2024 due to the NHS waiting list, and basic negligence. One of the doctors we saw in A AND E said to us “weve let you down”!! Not only have i lost my wonderful husband ive also lost a lot financially nearly £1000 per month, im now struggling with still basically the same bills to pay. I dont want to do this of course, but my husband was angry how he was treated so i also owe it to him. I know it will take a while.
This thread is getting a little heated, and I would ask you all to please remember that the primary purpose of this community is support. Our community guidelines ask everyone to be respectful and sensitive to each other.
I’ve removed a number of posts from this thread at member request. Please do flag anything to me which I should take a further look at, and remember everyone here is going through a really difficult time.