Grieving partner taking anger out on me

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My partners mum was recently diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and sadly isn’t likely to be alive for much longer. He has moved away from where we live together (he is from a different country) to be with her. Sadly his dad died 2 years ago and he was already struggling with his mental health, so this is and incredibly hard time for him.

I’m very worried about him and have been doing my best to be supportive however I am really struggling at the moment as he is taking his anger out on me. He regularly belittles and criticises me, and when I tell him how I feel, I hear it repeated back to me twisted into something different. I haven’t felt heard for months at this point. I understand he’s in a bad place and sometimes he can’t control himself, but he doesn’t apologize afterwards and I really struggle with that.

I’m finding it harder and harder to be supportive as I feel attacked, and like he sees me as the enemy. I’m trying really hard to put my hurt to one side, but I’m not sure how to do that without the situation becoming damaging to my self esteem.

He is seeing counsellor and we are having couples therapy. But doesn’t anyone have any experience of dealing with this and have any suggestions?

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Hello @Bobby3 ,

Thank you for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry for your partners’s loss of his dad and his mum’s diagnosis and I am sorry for the way you are feeling.

When it comes to something as tough as grief, it can be hard to know what to say or do that might help someone you love. Our Grief Kind campaign has lots of resources that can help. You can:

  • Watch our Grief Kind classes. Our Grief Kind classes are five short video tutorials in which Sue Ryder bereavement experts talk you through what grief is like and how you can support others who are grieving
  • Listen to our Grief Kind podcasts. Our Grief Kind podcasts are hosted by author, journalist and Sue Ryder ambassador, Clover Stroud. She speaks with celebrities about their personal experiences of bereavement and the support which helped them most when coping with their grief.
  • Read our guide on supporting someone else who has been bereaved.

I hope that you find these resources helpful. Please take good care of yourself, too - the community is here for you.

Alex