I’m new here but it seems many people are dealing with similar heartbreak and I’m sorry for all your losses.
I lost my 63 year old wife unexpectedly on October 10, 2025 after complications from multiple surgeries. She’d had a bad omen about this surgery for some reason. She didn’t think she’d make it through so started getting her affairs in order, things like going through all her jewelry and tagging each item with names to give it to. Initially, I seemed to be focusing on the traumatic way she died, that I had to make the difficult decision to let her go and not subject her to having no quality of life even if she made it through, her last words to me, etc. etc. I’ve been seeing a psychologist and she told me to focus on the positive memories of her instead. I’ve been trying hard to do that and it isn’t any better. I’m trying to stay busy but given it’s the start of winter here in Canada, that’s hard to do.
I’ve been trying to leave everything in our house the same for the time being as I feel that by moving or getting rid of her things it does a disservice to her but everyday I see something that makes me breakdown. Sometimes it seems like the dumbest things too, like her glasses sitting on her end table. Seeing family members is also harder than I expected, the memories of her loving them so much is difficult.
People tell me it’ll get better everyday but it’s not, it’s actually getting worse everyday. I know it’s only been a month but ………. The finality of her life is hard for me to grasp. If anyone has suggestions on how to cope, I’d appreciate your thoughts.
Hi @NeilM I’m truly so sorry for your loss. My husband died aged 58 10 months ago. I remember the first weeks and months were so hard, but I can say that the rawness of grief has eased and, although I still grieve and miss him terribly, I find it much easier to cope on a day to day basis. I still have all my husbands belongings but I did find it distressing to keep seeing them, so most things I tucked away, put in cupboards and drawers etc just so I knew they were there if I needed them but didn’t see them all the time, I hope that makes sense. I couldn’t look at a photograph for a long while, but now I have a few out. So really just take one day at a time and do whatever you feel right at the time for you.
Thanks @AlliH , I appreciate your comments and advice, I’ll take it all to heart. Common sense tells me it will get better but the heartache goes against that. I hope our grief continues to get better over time.
I am so so sorry for your loss grieving is such a complete nightmare.
I get the same triggers as you when I see my partners possessions just laying around casually just as he left them before he so sadly died 7 weeks ago, it’s unbelievably painful,.
Another thing I notice my memory of him has become Crystal clear from his voice, the clothes he wore, the jokes we shared I can actually hear his voice saying sentences in my head just like he is right beside me, I guess grief does strange things to our minds..
Hi, I know exactly what you’re going through and would say what you’re feeling is totally normal. It’s very early days for you and you sound as though you are doing well although expect you don’t feel as though you are. My husband died 13 months ago (just typing that has made me feel anxious) his death was sudden and totally unexpected. How I miss him.
We had been married for nearly 50 years and together since we were 16 and 17. Both enjoying our retirement together and had so many plans, all gone in an instant. We were practically together 24/7 since retiring and were always out and about. His death has left a huge void in my life.
I try to keep busy and out and about as much as possible. I’ve joined the gym and caught up with friends from the past and present. I try to take one day at a time as I found looking into the future daunting.
It’s the beginning of winter here in the U.K and I find the long dark evenings very lonely and wonder how I got through last winter on my own. I have a dog who is great company. I have two wonderful sons who live nearby whom I see regularly and three lovely grandchildren.
Be kind to yourself, take each day as it comes and remember you’re not alone in this grief, there are many of us treading this lonely path. I have also tried to be thankful for all I have and not what I’ve lost. I wish you strength and happiness.
Thanks Maisie, so sorry for your loss too. I will say that thinking I’ll miss her as much in a year or 2 is very hard to imagine. My sister lost her husband a few years ago and she told me to prepare, that for her the first Christmas, anniversary, birthday etc. was harder the second year than the first.
