Grieving yourself

After a counselling assessment recently, I was told too much has happened my brain can’t process the situation (going to help with that) and I’m holding everything in and not letting myself grieve because I’m putting my children’s emotions and feelings before my own which is natural but I need to let it out.
How have others done that with children still at home (nearly always one at home)

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Hi

Its always better to let people know how you realy feel, its a mother/fathers instinct to protect their children, rightly so…
This however is something you all need to talk about, your children will be grieving also, you can all help one another throught the oncoming grief rollercoaster…

Talk cry shout grieve what ever you need to do to get you through, theres no rules its all about you and how you are and how you manage to get through a day.

Your brain will be in lock down currently too much info to sort to many feelings grief sorrow regret pain worry etc etc etc…

It will gradually in the months to come allow you to see and feel things again both good and bad…

Have someone you can talk to.

Take care sah
Chris

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I was like this at first, holding everything in. Because my daughter and 3 grandchildren are staying with me. But relished i needed to let it out. I went in my car and screamed a few times and when they went out , then i had a good cry. If you have someone to take care of your children, so you can grief. I hope you have support. Take care x

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I should have included my 11 year old is autistic, if I cry, shout etc he spirals he struggles emotionally. If I cry he worries and stresses for days and if I shout he cries

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Yes i see your plight…
Your autistic son is he aware of what has happened? Are you able to explain that your in pain and its ok if he is also…

Talk your pain through together…
Your probably right not distressing your grand children un necessarily…

Grief counselling over the phone has helped me, and my Doctor has been very supportive, mcmillain may be able to suggest a way forward also.

Do try to keep talking when you can…
People on this site will be of help also…

Thinking of you.
Take care

Chris

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Macmillan won’t offer anything, he was a sudden death abroad no health issues.
I’m on the list for counselling but it’s going be January before it starts.
He is very black and white and very literal. If you talk about his dad in a funny story or happy he’s fine but if you say it’s ok to miss him or be sad he shuts me down

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Sah28 i totally agree with you on macmillan. They were terrible to my gorgeous beautiful late wife sue in fact there was only of them that was helpful and that was the one attached to lyndsey lodge hospice scunthorpe.regarding your son and yourself just take your time

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It’s the most unbearable situation, they should show more compassion and empathy.
I think partially with me I think if I let it all out I won’t get back up.
I can’t even process or accept it nearly 6 months later. I struggle to even say it out loud.
I find my situation is so complex, unique and literally unbelievable, no one knows what to say to me do it’s pity looks or ignoring the situation.
Big hugs to you it’s not easy

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Sah28 its 10 months since I lost my gorgeous beautiful wife sue to pancreatic cancer and i lost a lot of so called friends but the ones who have stayed are more like family now .i just wish i could help .is your son into any sports or likes cars maybe that would help him to come to terms with it all x

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He’s main issues are social and emotional, he’s happiest in his own company. All I can do is just be here when he needs me hence holding it all in for him
10 months is not long either, and yes you find your true friends along the way.
Stephen went to Belgium on a veterans motorbike tour and never came home, originally heart attack, then motorbike accident no other vehicle involved, then hit by another bike, then long term health condition. No post mortem embalmed and home he came our coroner straight the way nothing makes sense post mortem here we go.(still don’t know why/how don’t know if we ever will)
I’m hoping we get answers and that helps us all to start dealing

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Sah28, Am so sorry it must be so difficult for you. Dont be afraid to ask for help. My 15yr old grandson lives with me. So i know what you mean, about not crying, he looks at me to see if am ok. Its ok as i can go out and cry. Sudden death is so hard, they go out and never come back.i feel your pain. I really help you can get some help and have time for yourself. Sending hugs to you and your family x

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