What a time you’ve had, I hope you can now take some time to yourself to heal and rest, I’m sure you must be exhausted. Thinking of you.
Dear @CR73
How are you right now? You were so brave yesterday and your lovely Dad would have been watching over you. He will be with you to the end of your days just like your dear Mum is. I was thinking of you all day yesterday and sending love to you. You’ll be feeling so many emotions and you’ll be exhausted. It’s nice to look at the floral tributes it will help you understand how loved your Dad is. Today is a time for you to rest and remember the good times with your Dad. I will be thinking of you as I always do. You are so brave. Be strong for your Dad. Sending hugs and kind thoughts to you. xxx
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Hi @seychelles
Dear Deborah
I feel so sorry that you’re having such an awful time and I completely understand what you’re going through. Everything you describe is familiar to me - apart from the daffodils which sound truly gorgeous! My back garden is just grass for my dog but I have been thinking (only thinking, mind) of buying a couple of planters for the front of the house to fill with pansies to remember my Mum. I really must get my act together and get them ordered. You are right, it is the people left behind who suffer so much, having to go on without a special person, when if truth be told, you just want to be where they are. I am retired - thankfully I don’t have to go into work where everyone expects you to be at 100% of your working capacity when you’re probably only at 25% at best. People who have to return to work have an added burden and I do feel for them. Please cut me a virtual bunch of daffs and I will pop them on my kitchen windowsill! Take care of yourself, Deborah. Always a pleasure to read your posts. xxx
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Hi SorrowTooDeep
The day went smoothly yesterday,i was happy with the way the service was conducted,and we included photos of my dad on a projector screen to one of his fave tunes. I will go back to the cemetary today to take a look at his flowers again.
I was grieving my dad before the funeral,then my sister began throwing wild accusations at me,threatening and also threatening violence,this overshadowed my grief for my dad-so my personal grieving has suddenly stopped-i want to carry on grieving but my mind keeps wandering to whats happened with my sister.
I’m trying not to think about it too much as my dad wouldnt want it like this.
Thankyou for your kind words,its comforting to know that there is this site.xx
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Hi deborah
Thankyou for your message of kind words,the day went smoothly and my dad has been put with my mom now,i will visit the cemetary again today to see the flowers again.
I have had a number of people say to me yesterday and the weeks leading up to his funeral ‘it will be closure and you can move on’…i cant disagree more,it still doesnt feel real to me,and i dont feel ‘closure’ at all-nor do i want to,and i feel my dad with me and could quite easily just get up and go to his house right now and go and care for him.xx
Hi SorrowTooDeep
I was my dads full time carer as you know and we were extremely close when he suddenly passed away. 5 days after this event i had messages from the government wanting me to attend work focused interviews. They have constantly bombarded me with phone calls and appointment messages since my dad passed away,adding to the stress and anxiety,ontop of the grief and ontop of the stress with my sister.
I have now got a sick note from a gp,but even with that the government are still phoning me about work.xx
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Hi @CR73
You poor, poor thing. I can’t understand how government agencies can be so cruel at a time like this! They should be ashamed of themselves. You need a lot of time away from work to heal and I’m glad you have a sick note from your GP. Please make sure you impress upon your doctor how terrible you are feeling. You were so close to your Dad so I know you are completely shattered and broken. I am very angry about the way you are being treated and if I could give them a good telling off, I would. It’s really important you make sure your doctor fully understands how heartbroken you are as it’s well known that grief badly affects your physical health as well as your emotional and mental wellbeing. For now try to concentrate on getting back on an even keel if you can - I know how hard it is for you and how awful you’re feeling. Keep posting and please get your GP on your side as that will be a big help. Keep well rested and try to eat something nice every day as you need your physical strength to help you to heal your broken heart. Sending love as usual and know that I’m thinking of you. xxxx
Hi again @CR73
I’m saddened to read how your sister is behaving towards you. At times like this, grievances and grudges from the past come to the surface and your sister may have unresolved problems to cope with. That’s not to say it’s ok for her to have a go at you but feelings will be very heightened right now, I’m sure she will regret what she’s saying to you. Maybe she feels guilty that she didn’t do enough for your Dad and she’s just lashing out. Try to rise above it, not easy I know. Families are notorious for causing more upset after a bereavement and I think you are better off seeking comfort from friends where you live and on this site. We’re all on your side! Take a deep breath, grab a coffee or tea or whatever you fancy, treat yourself to a sticky bun or crack open the “good” biscuits again, we’ll have a virtual cuppa together. Be brave, you will get through this. If I can get through my loss in one piece, then I know you can. Chin up, keep on battling, it will get easier by and by. Thinking of you as always and sending a hug. Don’t forget - get your GP on your side it will be a big help. xxxx
Hi CR73
First of all it is not closure It is just the beginning. So dont worry too much about what other people say because they simply dont understand nor know what to say. They just say anything that pops into their heads in the moment. Thankfully we are not like that and certainly after all this will not ever be.
As for teh Government or whatever job you do there should be guidelines or policies about not contacting you when you are sick. Do you have a HR dept ? If so write a short letter to them explaining you cant deal with phone calls now or even get your GP to write one to them. Your health is far more important now. Workplaces just want people back for their targets output whatever. I know because sadly I have done it myself in the past and wanted staff back way before I know realise they were ready.
Look after yourself for now and dont worry about work
Deborah x
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Its not that i have a job and am on a sick note,its the government themselves,so i’m recieving universal credit and classed as ‘unemployed’ because i’ve lost my dad and my job as his full time carer. There is no HR dept.xx
Hi SorrowTooDeep,
I hope you put plenty of water with the daffs I sent you.
Yes go ahead and buy those planters. Pansies are so pretty. I think I will do the same. I have one pot at the top of some steps outside my lounge window so I really need to put something colourful in it. I always used to have mum helping me do the front of my house because she could reach the flowers easily. She couldn’t stand for long but always wanted to get involved so I used to let her plant a few bulbs and do a little weeding that was enough. I remember so vividly going to a garden centre and choosing last years bulbs and plants. I wish with all my heart I could turn back time!!!
Last year I had a theme. I planted all white purple and yellow flowers at the front of my house. They looked so lovely. At the back i have the most beautiful display of white lilies. I will send you a photo of what they looked like last year
I have about 5 lots like that so they are everywhere.
I am not much of a gardener. The shrubs and flowers like the lilies were all in the garden when we bought the house. I may try growing some vegetables this year though and see how I get on . Doubt I will get very far as I haven’t got a greenhouse.
I totally agree with you about work. Bosses want 100% all the time and there is no leeway for anything else. Not like the olden days when the majority of bosses really cared about the individual instead of meeting targets etc. Again the majority are Government pressures on the workplaces. Yes thank got for retirement.
I am plucking up the courage to collect mums ashes soon . I have failed on 2 occasions so need to get my act together. My husband is going to phone to arrange an appointment for next week. Then I will keep them for a while and approx next Easter I will take them to a small village called Llanstephan where her family grave is. Her mum died on childbirth so she always said she wanted to go back to her. There is a beautiful castle at Llanstephan and when anyone gets engaged or married there they buy a lock and have it engraved and attach it to the bar at the top of one of the turrets so we will do that. Easter time will be a better time to do it as it will give me some time to come to terms with everything and then we can walk up to the castle which is quite a walk then walk on the beach that I used to take her too. She also grew up in the village so had so many memories of the beach the castle and the church where she attended and was even a bell ringer. She told me her gran made her be a bell ringer so she wouldn’t miss church and disappear to the beach lol. If you get a chance to google Llanstephan you will see how beautiful and quaint the place is.
Do you have any plans for the day?
I am going to sort a pile of old pictures and frames that I have collected over the years but have been gathering dust for years. Not something I have got round to doing but it needs doing
Thinking of you and keep in touch
Deborah x
Aww CR73
I understand now. Apologies I though you meant you had a job somewhere other than caring for your dad. Its tough going trying to deal with all that. It’s even worse I suppose trying to get through to people on the phone to sort things out. Is there anyone you can get advice from ?
Am just wondering that if you could manage to attend the interviews they want you to would it keep them away from bothering you for a while. Also can you take someone with you ?
Thinking of you
Deborah x
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I am doing everything they are asking of me atm,whereas i just want to be left alone with my grief.x
Hi
I know you do and it’s tough trying to get through conversations with them . They have no idea what you are going through
You are doing so well in even talking to them
Deborah x
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Hi SorrowTooDeep,
Hope you are ok.
Haven’t seen you on here for a few days.
Things are stil tough going my end.Bouts of crying so onetimes non stop and feeling pretty low most days.
I am trying so hard to set myself a few small targets each day but fail to do anything much some days…I prefer not going out much at the moment as seeing other people being happy and getting on with their lives makes me upset and I know that is such an unkind thing to say but it’s how I feel.
I have done some on line shopping though and ordered new bedroom furniture. Not arriving until approx middle of May which is a pain but nothing I can do about it. It’s so easy to get carried away shopping on line but I only ordered what I really needed.
I just wish my mum was here to see the bedroom when it gets finished.
How about you? What have you been doing the past few days?
Looking forward to hearing from you
Deborahx
Hi SorrowTooDeep,
Am just getting in touch again as am wondering if you are ok. I haven’t noticed any posts from you and just want you to know I am thinking about you. How are you ?
Deborah x