Hello
My wife died in a hospice just 7 weeks ago
I was her full time carer before she went into the hospice. Now everything, all the madness, of anniversaries Xmas funerals and all.
I’m left with constant sadness.
I don’t feel motivated to do anything and think about her all the time and wish she was here with me
I’m heartbroken
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I am so sorry for your loss and understand what you’re going through. I lost my angel over 8 months ago and these days I still feel deeply sad, empty, lonely and heartbroken. Not a single day goes by that I don’t wish for him to be here by my side. I talk to him morning, afternoon and night and it helps soothe the pain so much - talking to him makes me feel like he’s with me everyday 
.
Please know that you are not alone we are here to support one another.
Sending hugs & strength X
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Thank you
This is my 1st ever online post
It comforting to hear I’m not alone.
I talk to Jan each day too and write a journal
I have to wait a few week for one to one counselling
I have to force myself to do everything where as before I had someone to wake up for.
I keep reading it’s early days and get all that but I say to myself life will never be the same.
It’s so much more than losing someone you love
Thank you for your message x
Yeh lovely words - by my side - he was by my side for 37 years - i loved him so much. I wouldve moved heaven and earth for him … i recently went on holiday to tenerife with my daughter and granddaughter and honestly broke down a few times cos just missed him being there" by my side" - he was always there … 
good luck to you all and just be kind to yourselves xx
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Terry I sympathise. I lost my wife having been her full time carer for many years. Now I have nothing to do for her because she’s not here and it’s left a huge void. When she was here my life had purpose because it was spent taking care of her. All the other things like taking care of the house were fitted in around the main role. Now that role has been taken away there are great big gaps in the day that you feel you should be doing things but ‘what?’ It’s hard to find things to fill the voids, I have our dogs but I was taking care of them before. The housework gets done as before. I sometimes feel like, why bother? I do find that doing things that occupy my mind help. I do crosswords where I’m forced to think of other things, and other puzzles just to, if you like, change the channel at least for a while. I’m a firm believer that time does not heal grief, we just learn to live with it and each of us has to find our own way of doing it. I hope you find your own path.
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Thank you.
When we came together she dug me out of a depressing hole and it was love and company that was needed.
We had 16 years of happiness and laughter all the time.
We were meant for each other.
The caring I gave her throughout her illness was with love and deep down denied she would die .
The hospice put her to sleep right in front me
That was the worse moment of my 64 years on this earth
It was my wife wish to go when the suffering got so bad.
She was so brave.
I’m heartbroken.
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I understand Terry I really do. My wife was ill but coping for nearly twenty five years. We both knew that eventually she would lose the fight, but we chose to ignore that and carry on. We had a wonderful life with lots of adventures and happy times.
In the past three years she progressively got worse and in last year was in hospital more than at home.
When we were told she had at best a week to live and only the machine was keeping her alive she ask me if she could tell them to turn it off and let her go. I watched as she went to sleep and never woke up again. It was and will always be the worst moment of my life. I survived with the knowledge that she was finally at peace and with no more pain or discomfort.
I still to this day don’t know how I drove the seventy miles home that night knowing I’d never see her again and walking into our house knowing she’d never see all the things I’d done in preparation for her ‘coming home’. I am an agnostic and don’t believe in the hereafter but I kept some of her ashes here under a rose bush I planted in her memory so I have a part of her there always and I find comfort in being able to go and talk to her whenever I need to.
I do hope you find your ‘release’ method soon. I’m I believe coping a bit better since Christmas and New Year have come and gone. This years new start has a new meaning, painful though that may be at times. Take care.
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Thank you so much for sharing your story. That journey you made must of been tough.
How sad you felt coming home like I did from the hospice with new hoists and gadgets she never got to use or see.
I too have her ashes here and am agnostic and will be getting a rose bush for the garden this year.
You take care too.
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Not at all, thank you for sharing with us. We are here to support one another.
I agree life will never be the same again. We didn’t just lose our beloved we lost our whole world. The day I lost my angel my whole world fell apart and life is no longer meaningful I just exist day after day.
I hope you will find the counselling sessions helpful - I had 18 sessions and found them to be of enormous help.
Take care x
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Thank you
I’m beginning to feel not so alone in all this pain. X
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Me too, 37 years, married 35 - he was by my side. We always took care of, and looked out for each other throughout those wonderful years. We were inseparable, did everything together and only apart when we both went to work. We loved travelling to places but now I feel so broken when I think about summer holidays, weekend breaks - alone !
Take care everyone x
Hi @Eldento @Terry01
Reading your replies i too want to plant a rose bush or similar in a planter just in case i want to move home in the future.
My husband died in the house suddenly unexpectedly in the bathroom and could not get to him. The bathroom still frightens me and i cant shut the door.
I am waiting on councelling with Cruise told waiting list 9 months so 2 more to go.
I know this journey and life would be different but i didnt think i would be so lovely. Price we pay for loving 
someone gor over 37 years.
Take care stay strong
Lynne
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Yes unfortunately lynne that’s it in a nutshell
I read that somewhere maybe on sue ryder where it said “Greif is the price we pay for losing our love one or ones”
That smacked me in the face as it was blunt but the truth I now know
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Our late queen said that : grief is the price we pay for love " … wise lady she was xx
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Although it was my sister who died, I have been in close contact with her husband and spent a bit of time with him this last year. He was in the same position and it has been a tough year for him. Lack of motivation was and is still an issue for him. He used to be an early riser and sometimes phoned to say he didn’t get up til 1000 am. So be gentle on yourself, give yourself permission to have all of your feelings and know that whilst your grief is unique to you, there are commonalities and people who do understand the basis of what you are going through. Sending so much love x
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Hi mate, I know exactly how you’re feeling, I’m in the same boat as you…we all are. There’s no quick or easy solution of getting over losing someone so close, and neither should there be. They meant so much, we need to keep them close within our hearts and thoughts. I lost my beautiful wife of 47 years just over 3 years ago now,the day before Christmas, so right now I find things especially tough. You meet people who ask " You OK?" and we just reply " Yes thanks" and move on not wanting to be interrogated on the situation, we all do it but inside we’re in a million bits not knowing what to do,where to go, who to ask. I’ve tried counselling,sedatives,groups but nothing helps, I just cannot get past the fact that she’s no longer here. My wife too passed in a wonderfully caring hospice and even though we know whats coming we can never be prepared for the reality after the inevitable, its not something you think about in life is it Sometimes we all feel alone,abandoned and even now after 3 long and lonely years I still cry my eyes out on a daily basis…in the house, in the street .in the shops…there’s no embarrassment or sign of weakness in fact its sometimes a release in a way to have a good cry. I know I’ve gone on a bit but can fully relate to how you’re feeling and hope that by sharing my experience that it may help you to know that you’re most definitely not alone, we’re all here to support each other. Take care mate …Mick
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Thank you mick
Very much appreciated your reply
Terry
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Aw … just read your story … so similar to mine … my husband was so very brave too … i loved him with all my heart too … we were married for 35 years … xxx
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