I’m Louise 57, from West Wales. Just joined today. Am new to this, probably should have put this intro message, before my other one, about my Mum, a few minutes ago. Am on the waiting list for counselling on this site. Really struggling to cope, losing Mum. She was my rock. Have my twin in USA, we Skype every day. We were both at Mums bedside (she lived with me since last April). Seeing her on EOL is something we’ll never forget. We felt so helpless,she lasted 9 days on the syringe driver, longer thanthey expected


Really struggling with grief at losing my Mum, who sadly passed away on 16th April this year. I was her full-time carer from the time Dad passed away 12 years ago. She was 91, had Alzheimers dementia, heart failure and suffered 3 falls in the last year. She was very frail, unable to have a 2nd knee replacement, as she was deemed too high risk. I’m so lost without her, we were so close as Mum and daughter.

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Hello @Louise2511,

I’m very sorry for the loss your mum. I really hope you find the community to be a support to you. I’ve merged your threads together so that members can more easily reply to you.

Take good care,

Hello Louise

Your post really resonated with me. We are similar ages as were our Mums who both had Alzheimer’s. I too was her main carer.

The EOL process is hugely difficult and as you say you just feel utterly helpless.

I am struggling with the loss too as my Mum and I were really close. I haven’t really got any words of wisdom to offer other than I feel your pain and hope the counselling really helps you. Take care of yourself and hope you find these forums of help. They have been to me x

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Hi @Louise2511 my mum was 88 when she died in 2022, and was on palliative care at home for the last part of her life. Your grief will be very raw as your mum passed only recently, and the loss of both parents can leave us completely bereft.

All the memories of our parents final years when they were frail and old are something we won’t forget, particularly when you’ve also been their carers. I’m trying to make more of an effort to keep in mind my parents weren’t always old and frail though, they enjoyed many years of good health. Not just to make myself feel a bit better, but it’s also the truth. I hope that will help me in time.

I hope your counselling goes well for you (I had counselling through Sue Ryder last year) and as @JRT says keep posting on here if it helps.

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@Louise2511 I lost my mum last Friday. She had been diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia in 2019. She was given two years but beat the disease for four and a half years.

Things started to go wrong last Christmas and by January her blood results were off. We got told at the end of March that the cancer was back. They tried her on a new treatment but sadly it didn’t work. At the start of May doctors said she had weeks may be months but not many left. She only lived for a few more weeks.

EOL for my mum was awful. My sister and I found her decline rapid and traumatic to watch. Doctors did not take us to one side to warn us what it would be like. Palliative care nurses came to see her the day before we lost her and were disgusted that we were clueless as to what was happening and what was to come.

My sister and I were talking today and we both realised we felt the same….numb. It doesn’t quite feel real, we cannot believe mum has gone. I’m going through the motions of being her Executor but it still hasn’t sunk in. It’s a weird and horrible feeling.

I want you to know that you are not alone. We can’t begin to imagine what EOL was like for our mum’s. But we also need to be aware that we went through it too in a different way. It was traumatic for us and I imagine that is why we are feeling a myriad of emotions. I have courage that we will get through this

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Hi, im not sure if my message went through to you or not the other day. Thank you so much for your kind email. It was very much appreciated.