Well here I am again this time 10 months since the loss of my best friend and soulmate traveling along the worst journey of my life I though I was getting through the worst part even feeling that maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel Only for it to go out again. On the 16th of September would have been our 24th wedding anniversary. The first since her very sudden death in October My mind is racing ahead knowing that almost a month to the day after our anniversary I will lose her for ever and my life will never be the same again
Sorry I know all of us on this path are going through this journey reluctantly and that the many firsts are difficult and heart breaking for us all in this group but just at this time I’m feeling very lonely as I travel along the path ahead and tears are flowing as I write hopefully once I get past these mile stones the light will shine again
Hang in there
You are not alone on this journey, we are all here with you.
The firsts are excruciatingly hard but try and focus on the love you were blessed with and the happy memories your wedding day bought you both.
The light is and always will be there but some days it is dimmer than others. Your wife would want you to remember her shining light and she will be guiding you towards it on those special days when you just need her to squeeze your heart and let you know she is always with you
For anyone approaching those ‘firsts’ , having gone through all of them myself, as I am now 18mths on this journey, in my experience the anticipation and dread is far worse than the actual day itself. Emotions bubble away underneath which is natural, knowing what is approaching, try not to have any expectations of what you should/shouldn’t be doing. Go with the flow, there doesn’t need to be any grand gestures to mark the significance, focus on the love and embrace it, whether that means tears, scream, shout, being alone, with others, just do what YOU need to do to release all the pent up emotions and allow the energy to flow through and out of you and remember none of us are alone on this journey millions of people over centuries have travelled this path. We all survive and continue to build strength as grief slowly loosens it’s grip
Feeling for you Digger. I’ve just passed the six months and the 8th would have been our 40th wedding anniversary. Man I miss her so very much. It doesn’t feel great at the moment , somehow out of proportion with the anniversary taking on a huge significance.
Like so many here, I wish I had answers. For all of us. But it just seems we soldier on as best we can. Hang in there and let’s all hope that time really is the great healer.
Here’s wishing you, me and everyone here, an inner strength and better times ahead
I have been widowed twice. The first time was 20 years ago. I remarried 5 years later, he lost his first wife.
It might just be me, but personally I find that telling myself that anniversaries, birthdays and other milestones are ‘just another day’ seems to take away their power to hurt. I refuse to link the date with what happened on that day in the past. I try not to calculate how many weeks, months or years ago it was that I met, married or lost. Every day is just another day. Some are better, some are worse, but I try not to allow the calendar to decide.
It’s a hard road to navigate.