I lost a friend of over 15 yrs on Christmas eve last year. She died very unexpectedly after a few weeks in hospital. I only found out she was in hospital as she was due to come to my house that day but never turned up and I couldn’t get hold of her. I eventually managed to contact her son who told me she was ill. I visited her a few times then all of a sudden she was moved into palliative care. I went to her on Christmas Eve and could see she didn’t have long left, she looked unlike herself, her breathing faltering. She was unconscious but I spoke to her, read her a few poems, touched her shoulder in case she could feel it and be comforted. I asked the staff to call her son to hasten his arrival and stayed with her til the family came. I couldn’t leave her alone. She died 15 minutes after I left. It’s been 6 months now, both our birthdays have passed, days we would have spent together. I lie in bed sometimes and all of a sudden it hits me and the tears come. Like tonight, it’s 1.20am and I’ve found this site. I’ve read some of your posts, I’m not alone in my grief. A great many of us are heartbroken. We carry our loved ones memories whether family of friends with us every day, not just special days. I feel grateful to have spent some of my friends very last moments with her. I hope she knew she wasn’t alone.
Hello @Annabel1 ,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling heartbroken but grateful for the time you shared. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Your friend would of appreciated everything that you did, she would of known she wasnt alone. Thats my belief, our emotions can hit us any time. Im sorry for your loss, she would of loved everything you did 🩷.
I am in a similar position and can relate to the way you are feeling. I dont think there are any right and wrongs and it can consume you at times and be very overwhelming. I dont know if im coming or going some days and am trying to make efforts to “get back to normal”, but have gone through a period of avoiding people and have felt very unsociable. Even to the point of not going out of the house. I have a great support at home and am grateful for that, but it still doesnt help the feeling of loss. My friend was in intensive care and I just hope that she was unaware of what was happening and that she wasnt frightened. The last time i saw her I knew that she wasnt going to recover this time. I saw her in the chapel of rest which brought me comfort as she looked peaceful. I think that we feel unwarranted guilt about thing we cannot control and its hard to move on from that. We are just one person at the end of the day and I ma sure that from what you have said you should find peace with what you did for your friend and the lovely memories you have