Does anyone know if there’s any type of support group that’s is specifically for people who have lost their partners/wives/husbands to Covid? I feel I would like to speak to someone who has experienced this as I’m struggling to come to terms with this cause of death.
No I’ve not heard of it, but would be interested, could you send me details please. X
Hello @Jane16
So sorry you loss your Mum and husband.
I loss my partner to covid January 13th, he was only 56.
How did you find The Loss Foundation site, my head can’t cope with all the info. on there, how did you get on.
Amy x
I haven’t looked yet Amy49, I will let you know when I have. X
Hi Jane
Firstly I am very sorry for your loss.
I can’t give you any information about support groups but I lost my husband to Covid in January. I am also struggling to come to terms with it. I also feel guilt because I had Covid first and gave it to him.
Let me know if you would like to have a chat.
Marion
I am still waiting on the Coroner’s report but if my husband’s sudden collapse does link beck to the COVID that he had, I gave him it. I understand your feelings of guilt. Even if it doesn’t ink to it, I can’t help feeling that I should have noticed or sensed something was wrong. We were so in tune with each other. How could I not know that when he went out of the door, I was not going to see him alive again?
Thank you Mazza. I too can’t deal with the fact he died from Covid and especially as he caught it in hospital. When they said it would be recorded as Covid19 infection, I said I wanted further investigations. Everyone including medics and nurse didn’t think it was as it was so sudden. After weeks of waiting the coroners office rang to say it was covid. I believe he would still be here if he hadn’t caught covid, its so senseless. I understand what you are saying, but its not your fault at all, no one can stop someone picking it up. This why I think support for those who have lost partners to Covid is so important .
Jules, I have been asking myself that too, did I miss something, could I have done something earlier that would have prevented hospital admission and his contracting Covid. I had been totally focused on my mum, who we found out was terminally ill on 31st Oct, I hardly spent any time with my wonderful husband, so feel so guilty that I hadn’t realised he wasn’t well. I’ve been a nurse all my life and I feel I should have seen something. Everyone tells me it’s not my fault, but I don’t feel I did enough. Also I didn’t tell him how much I was missing him because I wanted him to keep calm so it wouldn’t affect his breathing, but now I think did he know how much I miss re d and loved him.
I had a similar situation. My mum had been ill and received a dementia diagnosis a few weeks before. We were focused on getting her a place in the right care home and she went just a few days before my husband collapsed. He was so good looking after her with me. I don’t know how I can cope if I could have done something to stop this nightmare.
My husband had always loved my mum and was so upset when we found out what was wrong with her. He had always helped look after her and was helping with her care, going to chemist repeatedly, going to shops for whatever she wanted even when ground was thick with snow. He stayed up some nights so I could sleep and was taking care of me too because I have health issues. We had 12 days together after she passed before he was admitted to hospital from an OPA, but I was so tired and busy sorting out funeral details, again I barely spent any time with him. I should have seen he wasn’t well, we just thought he had prolonged chest infection which he had from Christmas week. I saw him 1 more time alive after that when he came home for 1 night to attend mums funeral, didn’t get there as had to be admitted back to hospital. Even then, I knew he was unwell, but never thought he would never come home again, even when the ambulance man said ‘‘rather miss this funeral, than be at your own’’ it never crossed my mind it could happen. I really feel that us not being able to visit impared his recovery too as it has for many. Our future plans have been stolen from us.
Our stories sound very similar. I am so sorry for your loss, I know how much it hurts. I can’t believe that our futures have gone - in the way we wanted them to be anyway. Sending hugs
Dear Jane,
I don’t know of any such group but I’m in the same position. My soulmate for nearly 60 years, strong, athletic, healthy, caught COVID in hospital after we had been shielding for months, except for eye surgery.
The raw emotions poured out on this website help us to realize that we are not losing our minds. We all hate this broken life we are now forced to live. We live it alone because even those who know and love us best, cannot feel what we feel. Their lives have not been changed by this loss.
After 12 months, the meltdowns still come but they are less frequent, triggered by the most insignificant details - his comb, a scrap of paper with his writing on it - rather than the big events we can anticipate.
For me there is now an overarching sadness dimming everything I do, alone or in company.
I don’t want to be alone but can’t cope with company very well either. My confidence and social skills seem to have deserted me. My sense of identity has gone. For 58 years I was a wife and before that a fiancee. I don’t recognize “widow”. She has nothing to do with me but she is forced upon me because I don’t fit in any other category.
My anger toward a government that could have prevented so many thousands of deaths and is even now, dithering about closing borders, is beyond words. My husband was killed by the government’s failure to put into action a policy for safeguarding the country in a pandemic.
For those of us affected, this loss was avoidable and it makes it harder for us to adjust, adapt, accept, move on - whatever words apply to people after bereavement.
My G.P. has put Mental Health counselling in place for me. I have yet to see any benefit but at least people are coming to see me and they don’t need me to put on a cheerful front, pretending all is well. I can be truthful about my feelings and have the freedom to talk about my husband. If the tears come, they can handle it. It is like this website but better because the encounters are one to one. If you can access such help, please do. There is also private counselling available by searching online.
When friends and relatives are sick of the sad face and same, miserable litany, it is a relief and healing to speaker to someone neutral who understands.
The mantra is, “Bereavement is what happened to you. Grief is what you feel. Mourning is what you do.”
I am being helped to mourn and in so doing, hope for the grief to be assuaged.
God bless you, Jane and all who have been bereaved so unnecessarily.
Hi Prof, I understand fully what you are feeling, I will have been married 38 years on Wednesday and as far as I’m concerned I’m still married, so like you the label widow I don’t want or accept. We were a couple for 41years and after so long as you will know you feel like one and now half of me is missing. I’m angry, but not so much with the government, more with how this virus came about and how long China took to let us all know. There were many people involved in the decision making and it was unprecedented situation. We know much more now and things are easier with hind sight. I will definately get councilling if I feel I need it, i had some many years ago for depression and it helped, so much so I still use many of the coping techniques is learned. I know what you mean though, I’ve thought, my friends and family will eventually get sick of hearing me and having me cry. My confidence has gone too, I don’t feel safe or secure any more. The two people who always had my back whatever have both gone. Even simple things like driving out of my local area alone makes me anxious, even though I always have done it (my husband didn’t drive and I often drove alone), I don’t understand that, except to say I still feel in a 'fog much of the time. Do you have family? Im lucky to have a wonderful son and daughter and thats the only reason I’m carrying on as my future has been destroyed. Xx
Dear Jane,
It’s good that you have coping techniques and that you will be able to access counselling services should you feel the need .
You also speak of wonderful children. I have no family and being partially sighted, cannot drive. My strong, fit husband looked after me, did all the shopping ( he was good at it and liked it) and managed our huge garden and the house without help.
His sudden death meant there was nothing in place, where looking after the house and garden is concerned - not even a window cleaner and if has taken me 12 months to start coping a little.
You sound very “together” although you don’t feel it and people will assume that your composed external appearance is reality, never guessing the sheer pain, loneliness and sorrow…
Bless you.