Guilt after bereavement

Hi, i’m Jo, i’m new here. I just wanted to ask, does anyone know if it’s normal to feel overwhelming guilt after losing a parent? I lost my mum three days ago to lung cancer. After the initial shock and alot of tears, I have been left with an overwhelming feeling of guilt. I feel guilty for living, for still being alive, for going food shopping, literally everything. I feel guilty if I smile or find joy in anything, as it feels like I shouldn’t be happy and that if I am, im forgetting her or disrespecting her. I have never lost anybody before and am just wondering if guilt is just part of grief and if anybody else has experienced this and does it get any better? Thank you in advance to anybody who can help xx


Hi I’m so sorry for your loss.
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband very suddenly in March and like you I feel guilty for everything I do as he’s not here to do things. I feel guilty at feeling sorry for myself as he’s the who’s died and lost his life I should be grateful that I’m still here and I shouldn’t be making it about me. Is this how you feel?

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Thank you for replying. So sorry to hear that you lost your husband. Yes that exactly how I am feeling. I wasn’t sure if it was just me, or I was going crazy or if it was just a normal part of grief. It is a comfort to know that it isn’t just me, so thank you, but also, sorry that you have gone through it as well. Such a hard time xx

I’m sure your mum would want you to be happy. I lost my mum nearly 18 years ago but still miss her every day. There’s no one like your mum so it’s not unusual to feel the way you do. It’s early days yet but in time you will be able to talk about her without getting upset all of the time. Sending you love and hugs xx

Hiya jo it’s part of grieve I lost my husband of 44years 13 month ago a did the same at the beginning he also had lung cancer you take of yourself lv annie x

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@Joannelouise11 hi there, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Yes I also experienced overwhelming feelings of guilt after my partner died last year, I think it’s sometimes called ‘survivors guilt’. It’s a very normal part of the grief process, (but horrible to experience/be in). I too thought I was going mad initially, with all the different emotions I was experiencing and the intensity of them. I had some bereavement support via the hospice and they explained the different stages of grief that can be experienced, and how we dip in and out of these feelings. Just know that all the feelings that will be coming up for you will all be connected to grief, and part of your grief journey. Be as gentle and as kind to yourself as you can. Sending love and strength. Xxx


I lost my mom over a month ago and I feel guilty in doing anything normal. I don’t want to smile, laugh or watch tv.
Feel guilty living the life.

My father in law is very ill right now, he has been given just days to live and yes, I am really struggling with guilt over trying to just get moments for myself to do things I enjoy. One part of me keeps saying “why aren`t you thinking about your father in law and being sad”

I am trying to be caring with myself, but its so difficult. sending my thoughts to you