My husband of 50 years, died one year and two weeks ago. I have donated some lovely clothes he owned to Marie Curie (he was a bit of a clothes horse), but I now have an overwhelming sense of guilt and loss, almost as if I have lost him again and it feels dreadful. Will this feeling of betrayal pass? Has anyone else felt the same? I don’t know what to do 
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Hello @Burnsie66,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
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Hello Burnsie66,
I’m sorry for your loss and that you’re feeling bad about the clothes donation. I’m not able to set your mind at rest I’m afraid as I haven’t taken this step myself yet. I am only 4.5 months into my grief - but I have wondered what other people do about this. It does seem practical to let someone else use the clothes. A friend of mine decided to take her husbands fine suits to charity and found, after 2 years, they had all been wrecked by clothes moths.
I can see why you might feel conflicted with feelings of guilt - grief plays mind games with us I think. You loved your husband and donating his clothes is not a betrayal at all, Grief just has a way of making us feel worse all the time.
Please try not to feel bad - you’ve done a nice thing.
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Thanks for your kind words, Jojay, he did have some lovely clothes and made to measure suits, Marie Curie staff were wonderful with him, although only as an outpatient, so I hope some funds can be raised through sale in their shops. Four and a half months is so painful and everything is still so raw for you, I hope you find strength as and when you require it. Take care 
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I haven’t commented for a while. My husband came off his motorbike in Ireland 13 months ago - every day I wait for him to come home 
. Today I have boxed up all his motorbike clothing to donate to a charity that helps disabled motorbikers. It was very sad going through everything and shoving it in boxes, but I’m doing it as their sale will be able to help someone else.
There will always be a sense of guilt of dismantling a life but I choose to believe others can be helped as a result and I think my husband would’ve said the same.
I’m sure your husband would agree to - please don’t feel guilty 
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Hi Debra, it’s now 15 months since my Mike died, it’s no easier than the day after I lost him, just that you get used to the constant feeling of emptiness and expecting him to walk through the door 
I have donated so many of his clothes, but each time I take a bundle I feel like I am giving up a little more of him. My thoughts and best wishes go out to you, and a few hugs too 
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Your posts have inspired me to make the leap. I’m going to get a donation box going today.
I’m just a few weeks from the year mark (which feels like a scary mountain). I moved most of my husband’s clothes into the guest room around the six month mark. I kept the last clothes he wore, Election Day 2024, hanging almost as he left them on his side of the closet. Those and his favorite starched white guayabera he would wear to special occasions.
My goddaughter is doing a shoe drive for school next weekend so I’m going to contribute to that … and I hear you, it’s hard. The baseball cleats, the hiking shoes, the dance shoes I made him get for tango lessons, the boots he took care of since college, the work shoes he paid a little extra for so he would look nice for his students … two or three pairs of flip flops, some basketball shoes he only wore a few times, skateboard shoes he wore when he was younger … they all tell a story.
Do I keep just one or two? Do I frame them? Put them in the garage?
By the way, is twenty pairs of shoes a lot for a man? It’s more than I have! (Widow attempting humor here…)
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You are doing well, attempting humour 
donating clothes is a massive wrench, but rewarding too. I kept his favourite tee shirt, that’s next to my pillow every night, I think it’s comforting to keep something that was special to him. Best wishes and hugs 
for this never ending sad journey
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Hello. I just wanted to tell you about my beautiful mum and her stunning wardrobe. I lost my lovely mum just over a year ago
My heart shattered into a million pieces and I am lost without her.
For the year anniversary I held an afternoon tea party for all her friends and our family to celebrate her life and learn lots of new memories of her I didn’t know. Everyone relaxed and had a good afternoon. Plenty of smiles, a few tears, but it felt right.
After the party I decided to begin with mum’s clothes.
She has some beautiful outfits, for every day and for special occasions.
I did a little most days for about a month or so. I took my time as it was emotional for me
I took them to a charity shop close to both our hearts. They were still on their coat hangers.
The shop decided to do a ’wedding window’ with mum’s outfits with her matching hats and shoes and handbags. They’d had a wedding dress donated too.
When the window was done I went over to see it. It was gorgeous. Mum’s outfits were resplendent.
When I went in the shop a lady was trying one of mum’s hats on, she was going to try the matching turquoise dress and jacket on too.
I asked her if it was for a special occasion and she said it was for her own wedding. She told me she had escaped a bad marriage and some years later had met the man of her dreams but they did not have much money.
She said she was walking past the shop and saw the dresses looking so beautiful and decided to go and look. She chose the turquoise one.
I helped her to try it against her with the hat and took her photo to show her. She burst into tears. She said she looked beautiful and would never be able to afford such a beautiful outfit new and now she would be able to be glamorous on her wedding day.
She bought it all and went off very happy.
I didn’t tell her about mum because the outfit had made the bride to be’s dreams come true.
My mum would have been so happy that clothes she bought for happy occasions would be worn for new happy days for other people.
I love to think that my mum has made happy memories for other people too, rather than hanging in a wardrobe.
I have kept some of mum’s clothes, that are important to me. I wear some too (my mum was thoroughly modern for her 91yrs, and refused to dress ‘old’. She was stunning.
For me at that time I felt it was the right thing to do. (Mum kept dads clothes for 10 years before she did anything). We are all different in when and how we choose to do it but I just wanted to tell you of my story.
I love my mum dearly and miss her so very much every day. That will never change, but part of her is giving joy and warmth to others now too so they are part of her life story now too.
I am sending you all my support and wish you love in your choices
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What a lovely thing to do - that makes the pain just slightly more bearable knowing how much joy you’ve bought to someone else’s life x
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20 pairs of shoes would put most women to shame but why not, go him 
. I think there’s no set time, we’re all different but I think we’d all agree it’s a good cause to help others x
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I can imagine your mum smiling down at you, being so happy that you have used her beautiful clothes to bring so much joy to people
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