My dad passed away a couple months ago from pneumonia and I can’t stop thinking that I am the reason he had it as around the time of his death I had a chesty cough which lasted for about 3 weeks and stopped just after he died I had no other symptoms but I’m scared that I gave him a cold or a chest infection that led to his pneumonia, he also had bowel ischemia I’m not sure if this could have caused it but I just need some reassurance that it wasn’t cos of my cos I feel it was and I feel so guilty, someone please help
Ozstin, can I suggest you have a word with his or your own GP, I know at present they are not seeing face to face unless totally necessary but even a telephone conversation will tell you that you have nothing to worry about. No being the youngest person on this site I can say when we get older pneumonia is very common even when we have had a vaccination against it, we still get it and many don’t recover.
Please don’t feel guilty, he could have got it from anywhere and feeling guilty is not good. He must have been a very special dad and you must miss him so much. Take care S xxx
I have spoke to doctors about this and they have said it is a possibility that he caught a cold or chest infection from me and it progressed to pneumonia but it is unlikely, but I don’t understand how it is unlikely if I was around him everyday it just can’t be a coincidence and I feel nothing the doctors say will stop me blaming myself because a lot of them say different things, they say it is only speculation that he caught it from me but I just feel like it is me considering I was around him everyday
I am pleased that you did speak to the doctors but honestly please don’t blame yourself or have any guilt. Our bodies can only take so much of human existence before they come to an end and non of us know when that will happen, early in childhood or very old and tired of being here.
Think of all those happy times, times when he was proud of you and when you was proud of him, these are the things he would want you to think about not feeling you did something wrong because you didn’t.
What is happening to you at present is all part of the grief process and I do hope over the next few weeks you can think about those good times. Be positive and kind to yourself but also take care. Bless you for all the good things you did for your dad and for being there. S xxx
Thank you for posting this Ozstin. I have similar thoughts about a cough I had just before my Mum developed her last pneumonia, even though I was seeing her only from a distance at that point. It’s incredible how our minds draw these conclusions. Trying to make sense of it I suppose.
I think especially if you have been close to and cared or helped care for your loved one, it’s easier to blame yourself because you feel responsible for their welfare.
The docs in the hospital where Mum was admitted and eventually died said it could even have been caused by bacteria that was already in her own body. It’s just she was very frail with other conditions and her body couldn’t fight it off.
I do understand how you feel but I think we need to let ourselves off that particular hook. It’s not easy though I know.
Take good care of yourself.
Thanks for putting it like that Susie. Helps me too.
If there’s anything we can help with then please just post, someone may have the answer or suggestions that help. S xx
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I know how you feel keep telling myself I’ll never know what caused it and to stop Manding assumption but I can’t help but think the worst, I just keep thinking through it in my head trying to reassure myself
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Hi, I know how you are and some of the reason is being on your own with the problem and it will take time to readjust of your thoughts but that’s what we all have to do. Life is never stagnant and our thoughts want to keep going back over and over things. Try all the distraction techniques you can find and hopefully one will work. It’s not moving on, it’s just getting use to the new life. Best of luck and keep smiling. S xx