Guilt numb denial need help

So my aunt passed away Saturday. Very recent. Very painful. Very close family. Very long story. She started to lose feeling in her legs summer holidays. Couldn’t walk. Slept downstairs. Eventually went to hospital. Stayed there a month and a half. Second hospital said it was just a trapped nerve they would start physio. She went to a respite home as she was too frightened to go home. She gradually got worse. No physio at all. Eventually started physio. No one could work out what was wrong. GPS didn’t want to see her. Paramedics came out. Didn’t go to hospital. Referred to doctor next day. Doctor sent her to hospital. Finally said she had nerves not working from her legs had spread up and now she couldn’t breathe. Put on machines. Parents came in. Told she wouldn’t make it the night. She did - so given some hope. Then she just died. I feel robbed she was perfectly healthy before this all happened. Still in a daze. Can’t leave my bed. Feel so guilty. She had a very odd conversation with me three days before she died making an odd noise on the other end of the phone which I now realise was her struggling to breathe… But no one saw a problem. Now worrying she felt so sad no one believed her. My son is having issues with ghosts. He is only seven. I’ve stopped eating sleeping can’t pull myself round. Can’t leave the house yet. Can’t believe she’s really gone. Am worried my constant grief will frighten my children. Not coping.

Claireenkevin. I’m truly sorry to read about your devastating loss. It’s hard enough for the heart to bear without the added weight of the guilt you say you feel and any “if only/what if” scenarios. I’ve been in similar circumstances and it’s a very lonely, frightening place. It’s said that guilt is grief’s best friend, please don’t suffer in silence though if these feelings aren’t lifting - believe me, bottling things up just makes life even more unbearable and may complicate the grieving process. I don’t know if you like reading but there’s an excellent website “What’s Your Grief”. Also, seek out a sympathetic GP to have a chat to, one preferably of an age to have a little life experience. Above all, rest, eat a little and put off non-urgent jobs until you feel stronger. Sending you many compassionate thoughts.


Thank you so much. I feel so alone. Have two small children to care for today. Love them so much but nothing us lifting me at all. Feel so sad and lost

Hi Clare im very sorry for your loss.Take it day by day likewise try your gp (im on medication it works for me ) Keep coming back here this special club never closes .Colin (im 58 my wife passed 04032016 on her 41st birthday)

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Thank you for taking the time to reply. I’m sorry for your loss too :frowning:

Hi,I’m so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mum today…doesn’t seem real.
I am single but have my cat here. She is good sauce of comfort…
I remember when I lost my partner long time ago.,the grief overwhelmed me and I wasn’t able to look after my young nephew cos I wasn’t functioning properly
In the start.
Hypnosis and relaxing cds helped me to become calmer.,and helped with insomnia.
I went to a hypnotherapist once to stop smoking and was in high state of stress wanted to cancel but she told me she could help with my physical sickness as well as the mind.
I couldn’t praise her enough,the hypnosis was powerful that I felt amazing when I came out, like the depression had left me and negativity…
Yoga and meditation also can help soothe the soul. All the best to you.