It’s 6 weeks tomorrow since the sudden and unexpected death of my beautiful 41 year old daughter and my best friend. We are still awaiting results of post mortem. I’m scared of getting the results and have asked the coroner’s office to book an appointment so that we her family can all be together when we get the results.
I’m scared it will be my fault. She had been ill for a week with what we assumed was a tummy bug, what if it was something that if I had made her go a & e or gp could have been found and treated and then she wouldn’t have died.
The guilt is nearly as bad as the grief.
How do I ever get through this
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Hello @Bam ,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
Take good care,
Alex
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I think guilt is a natural response. I replay the whole of my sons 28 years. What if I had done this, what if that. Should we have gone to a different hospital… on and on. My husband says ‘you were a fantastic mum and we did all we could’. He had a brain tumour and just couldn’t beat it. We are not mind readers and cannot predict the future. All we did was love them. X
Thank you for responding.
I feel so alone
I want to be with my daughter but can not leave my son his partner or my husband.
I’m existing not living.
Husband, son and daughter in law have all gone back to work. I took early retirement this year and my daughter and i had talked about doing something together on Fridays, her day off.
All her friends and my friends are getting on with their life, when she hasn’t got a life anymore. That’s not fair.
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I feel for you. I have been going through the same guilt. My son was poorly for months and I feel I should have forced him to go back to the doctor. But we can only act on what we know at the time. In my son’s case, if I suggested making an appointment, he would tell me he didn’t need to go back because he was getting better and what could the doctor do about long covid anyway. He thought he could tackle and beat it by himself. The week before he died, he genuinely did believe his health was improving and I take some small comfort from that. You did the best you could for your daughter, you sound like a wonderful mother and I’m sure your daughter knew she was encircled by your love. You could not have done more and you mustn’t blame yourself.
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