Just over 3 weeks ago my only son who moved back home in February with me and my 14 year old autistic daughter took his own life. He had up and down moments for the lat 9 months on that Tuesday morning I knew he was really low and I left him for 10 minutes to take my grandson to school. I was on the phone to the doctors begging for them to section him when the police turned up. They tried for over an hour to resuscitate him but he was gone.
Besides the absolute pain of losing him I can’t get over the guilt of failing him . I shouldn’t have left him the pain is so overwhelming and I don’t know how to keep going.
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Hi Rachel I am so sorry , there are always so many suicides arounds Christmas, seems to add to the depression and it’s so hard to get the right help isn’t it. You must have been doing all you could and felt so desperate and alone. My son died suddenly , not by suicide directly but he did have mental health issues and we could not seem to get help even though we kept trying. I am also so full of guilt as I loved him so much and felt helpless, it is just so awful, as if loosing them was not bad enough the guilt that maybe you could have done something differently is just relentless and overwhelming. You say you only left him for 10 minutes , I think he would just have been waiting for you to leave if he was sure, it could have been any time , it could have Been when you were asleep. I hope you can find support on here , there are others who have suffered from the suicide of loved ones on here who can help you more, just click on magnifying glass and type suicide top right of page and you will find lots of links. It must be so incredibly painful now at Christmas only 3 weeks , it’s 7 months for me and my sons birthday Christmas Day and I am finding it so hard.
Your autistic daughter must be so confused and you trying to carry on as normal. I really feel for you and hope you can find some peace soon. Take care jss xx
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I feel the same awful guilt for leaving my husband alone in the same circumstances, and outcome.
I feel like I am drowning in sadness.
I have to keep going for my Granddaughter.
We all have to take it day by day. Sometimes hour by hour
Try to be kind to yourself. You were and aren’t to blame
Phyll
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