Guilt over not crying as much

It’s a while since I’ve posted on here.

It’s coming up for almost 2 years since I’ve lost my dearest mum to cancer in august 2020.

Thing is, I feel guilty for not crying as much as I did. Has anyone else felt this?

I have also had to try really hard to push out the memory of her being really ill, as I could only remember her that way. I couldn’t remember her as she was. It was driving me mad. So I’ve kind of said to myself, push those thoughts away.

Also, my daughter fell into a depression 6 months after my mum passed away. I had to put all my energy into focussing on her to try and get her through.

Thankfully she’s much better now. I think mum sent me strength and helped us both through :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

1 Like

Dear @Prettygreeneyes

Please do not feel guilty. As time passes by you will come to terms with the loss of your mum and the tears can become less. It does not mean you have forgotten your mum or love her even less. You have begun to accept that mum is no longer here.

What you are experiencing is normal. Sue Ryder has launched a Grief Guide which has useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. It would be worth taking a look.

Be gentle with yourself, do not feel guilty about crying, there will be days when you cry and days that you will not cry, that is ok. Please continue to reach out.

Take care.


1 Like

Hi some people process greif quicker than others also you maybe in shock still and if you don’t cry don’t be so hard on yourself it’s ok some people are just relieved that there loved ones are not suffering anymore

1 Like

I’m still so sorry for your loss.
I lost my dad in august 2020.

I didn’t cry much.
He was for 4 days in the hospital, which 3 of them on the ICU in coma.
Due to covid I couldn’t visit him and since he was in the ICU I wouldn’t see him.
I wanted to remember how he was.
I cried 3 times when he was in the hospital.
After he he passed I didn’t cry much.
I also felt I had to be the strong one between my mom and my family.
I found it really hard to saw my mom crying but I just couldn’t.
I sometimes cry if I hear a song that reminds me of my dad but further I don’t cry.
I felt really that I let my dad down bc I didn’t cry much about his passing but at counseling I learned that j probably cope differently with my emotions and feelings than my grandma, uncle, aunt and other family members and friends do.
Everyone griefs differently I know that.
So I didn’t cry much either.

1 Like

Ah I’m so sorry for your loss too.

Thank you for this, it really helps to hear other people’s stories and experiences.

I also feel that maybe I don’t want to keep feeling so sad and so maybe I have come to accept that she is no longer here.

I look for her in the stars and tell her every day how much I miss her and love her.

You are so right, everyone deals differently with it.

Your dad’s anniversary must be around now. My mum’s is on Monday. How are you feeling?

Take care and thanks again :heartpulse:

1 Like

My dads anniversary was on the 11th.
I’m doing better now.
Leading up to the 11th was een at harder then the day itself in my opinion.
So now we’re going on the 2,5 years.
The half years I struggle with the most because then I think 6 more long months without him here.

I wish you al the best on the day of your moms anniversary!

Take care.