Guilt, pain, wretchedness, sadness

I lost my husband recently. He was 59. He was a lovely man. Everyone loved him. His death was an utter shock. Why didn’t I see how poorly he was? Why didn’t I pay more him attention. We were married for 23 years and I love him so much. I tried to get him to see the Doctor , but he just told me not to fuss. So I stopped nagging. Now I miss him so much, I want him back. I feel so
guilty for sometimes taking him for granted. I want to remember the good times cos we had lots and lots of good times. But I can’t stop thinking about the bad times when I was a bad wife.

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Hi Fran,

I am so sorry about the sudden loss of your husband. 59 is no age, and at this forum you will find others who are unfortunately is a similar position to yourself and will be able to help you.

You should not feel guilty. The overwhelming majority of time someone feels ill, it isn’t anything life-threatening. You did try your best and asked him to see the doctor, but he thought it wasn’t something major, but sadly it was. There is no blame on anyone, it is just unfortunate that this happened. You were not a bad wife at all, but it is quite normal to have feelings of intense guilt after someone dies, especially when the death is sudden.

It is great that you have come to this site, because talking about your grief can help to overcome those feelings of guilt. If however you then continue to feel so poorly, there are options of free online bereavement counselling available, with Sue Ryder, should you wish to talk to a professional counsellor.

Thank you. There are so many feelings and it’s so hard

I’m so sorry you lost your husband and at such a young age. Guilt and regret is one of the main components of grief. It does fade in time. None of us are saints. We are only human. Humans are flawed and will act in ways that are not perfect. So please don’t beat yourself up for those times. You have enough to contend with without putting this on yourself. I’m sure there were times your husband was less than perfect too. That’s life that’s human relationships. The ups and downs. But I bet there was a whole lot of love and laughter that far outweighed the less than perfect times.

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Morning Fran
I’m so sorry for your loss,please don’t blame yourself. my husband died after being in pain for over a year and being told he had arthritis ,like your husband he told me and the kids not to fuss and so we didn’t until her became ill in December and then my daughter made him go to are gp,s. In January we were told he had bowel cancer ,we all blamed ourselves for not seeing this but my husband just calmly excepted it and instead planned his funeral and wrote my daughter an 18 th Birthday card because he knew he wouldn’t be here .he died at 57 in February .Your not a bad wife and
You must not blame yourself ,but I know how you feel ,I hope you have a good family to support you . Sending you a big hug x.

Hi Fran. I also lost my husband at 59. He died in June of Covid 19. He left for the hospital on 30th April and I never saw him again. My heart is breaking for you as I also have all these guilty feelings. Did I do enough for him? How did he catch it? Was I a good wife? We were together 30 years and I know we had some fantastic times but you only remember the petty little things. I’m trying to move on but it’s so hard. I’m sending you a big hug. :sparkling_heart:take care of yourself.

Hi Sheila
I’m sat hear crying again at your sad news ,I’m so sorry how awful for you losing your husband to this terrible virus .

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Sorry Sheila didn’t finish my post take care of yourself sending you a big hug

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