Hi,
I lost my partner and father to my 2 young boys (7 and 8) 6 weeks ago.
Obviously this is all still very raw, we have only spent time with my family or his family. It’s my birthday on Sunday. I don’t want to celebrate, and I am not looking forward to the first without him.
My sister has booked something for the Saturday daytime, just dinner and some drinks.
My boys would be spending the day with my mum (and they’re very excited about it) but I cannot get over this overwhelming feeling of guilt for doing something ‘normal’ without him. I know he wouldn’t want us to miss out and would want us to be happy, but I cannot shake this feeling. I think I should just cancel it, but then there’s another side that could really do with the distraction from grief.
How do we get over the feeling of guilt? The other day I took the children to my aunties pool and we had such a lovely day, but I came home, and cried and cried because I was so guilty we had a good time. Honestly everything is so hard. I miss him so much, and so wish things were different
Hi @ruby25 I am so sorry for you and your boys to have lost your special person / their dad.
It’s so early for you - I think you will still be a bit in shock. You must not feel guilty for having some nice times. It’s just our minds and heart giving us a bit of a rest from all the heavy grieving we have to go through. Otherwise it becomes so overwhelming and too much to bear.
Just take a day at a time and do what you Feel is right for your birthday - it will be a very challenging day no matter what you do.
Make sure you are looking after yourself
Sending some love and strength xx
Thank you for your reply. I have decided today that we are just going to do something at home, we will still try and enjoy ourselves but I don’t think I’m quite ready for a day out without the children especially.
This will be the first ‘first’ without him, tonight I found my birthday card from last year that he got me, I’m so glad I keep all the stuff like that, and it was almost like the sign I needed.
It’s so hard navigating this new normal, when you want so badly for the old one.
I agree with Roni52. You shouldn’t feel bad about having happy times, but I do understand. It sometimes feels an insult to our loved ones if life just goes on without them…but it does. And that’s the tricky bit I think, navigating some type of normality and learning how to carry on. My Dad passed away 9 months ago and sometimes when I watch one of his favourite films or listen to one of his favourite songs it sort of feels wrong without him. We used to take day trips to London regularly, catch a show, but I have not felt strong enough to do so without him yet. Who knew absence could be so present