Guilt & triggering Grief

Hi everyone I’m new here so not 100% sure how everything works so pls bear with me if I’ve done this wrong.
I’m 25 and I lost my mum 2 years ago to a brain haemorrhage. It was one of those sudden deaths and she died in the hands of my younger siblings and I. Although it was 2 years ago, sometimes it still hurts like it was yesterday and in the time between then and now, I lost my best friend to brain cancer (Feb this year) and this as you can all imagine triggered the grief that I had managed to pull through. Yet again I managed to pull through and this evening I just found out that my friend has lost her older st brother. This is a weird one because I didn’t even know him but seeing how much pain she is in triggered my grief, it reminded me of the feelings of finding out my loved ones were gone. I feel guilty for two reasons;
A. This is not about me. Someone else is going through grief and although I’m not showing it to her because I want to be there for her as much as possible, my heart is aching because it’s making me miss my mum and best friend and I know to some extent the pain my friend is feeling.
B. Why does it have to take another person going through grief for me to then remember that I’ve lost loved ones? It makes me feel like I just tossed them aside and now only remember because tragedy has struck for someone else.

I’d love to know if anyone understands what I’m saying, if you’ve experienced this before and to be honest I just wanted to let this off my chest. I apologise if the text is all over the place, I just wanted to express myself as the words were coming to me.

Hello @Raye97, thank you for reaching out here and I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum and best friend. It is completely understandable that seeing the pain your friend is experiencing is triggering your own, too. Feelings of guilt are really common when we are grieving - you are not alone.

It sounds like you are coping with so much right now. Do you think it would be helpful to have a space to explore these feelings? The community is here for you, and if you’re interested in counselling, we offer free sessions at Sue Ryder. You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area. We have also launched a Grief Guide Service, which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief. If you’re interested in understanding more about grief and how you can manage it, please visit

Hopefully someone will be along to share their thoughts but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard.

Take good care,