How do people cope with the guilt. Ive had post mortem, and wish more than anything i had done more, made him go to hospital or done something then maybe he wouldnt have died

Hi Julie,
I so understand where you are coming from. When my husband said he had a headache and upset stomach, I sympathised, got him a drink, and sent him to bed for a sleep. That had always worked before. This time, it didn’t and I realised he wasn’t sleeping, he was in a coma,
The ambulance took him to hospital, and he died the next day. Like you, I am beating myself up. Should I have called an ambulance sooner? But I thought they would laugh at me if I was calling them for his, what seemed minor at the time, symptoms. Looking back, and from what the hospital said, I had done all I could. But I think you and I will always wonder…could we have done more?
My thoughts are with you, but I think we have got to accept that we did what we could. We are not doctors (at least, I’m not) so how could we have known?

Dear AnnR, My name is Herb- I read your post about your husband. I can certainly identify with your sense of guilt (you are not alone). Tha night my wife died suddenly in our living room, it was a busy for us - she was trying to find a new coat as the zipper on her coat had broke. We went to two different places and she couldn’t find what she was searching for. We got home late that day, she made me a bowl of soup - later was saying that she felt like she was having heartburn and later indigestion. She sat on the couch eating Cherrios and then collapsed on then suddenly. I immediately went over to see what was wrong. I called the paramedics right away. They dispatched an ambulance and took her in the ambulance and then off to the hospital… When I arrived at the hospital, I was met by 2 nurses, a chaplain, and 2 doctors. They told me she died and there was nothing else they do. I fell to the floor crying like a baby. don’t mean to upset you but I have had my share of Guilt in wishing I had known or had reacted sooner (how was I to know?)
My life has not been the same since. I am told it was not my fault - but I keep thinking if I reacted quicker,
she would be here today. So I live with this now. Anyway, I do my best to do what needs to be done. As i said, I didn’t mean to upset you but I guess we must try to move on somehow. I am understanding what you felt Yes, you are so right - we are not doctors - how could we have known??? My thoughts go out to you dear lady.

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Dear Herb,
I am so sorry thst your wife died and that you are feeling guilty too.Thank you for those reassuring words and for taking the time to write to me.
I am trying so hard to accept what has happened and I now in my head that I did everything I could but my heart still says that I could have done more - called the ambulance sooner, rung the doctor, anything. Then again, what would the ambulance people have said if I had called them to someone with a headache and and upset stomach?
Your message made me feel a bit calmer, I don’t know exactly why, but thank you for that. I hope things get better for you and for everyone in this sad situation.
Hugs, Ann

Hi All. Guilt is a debilitating emotion and can so often lead to despair. We did what we thought was right ‘at the time’. Please try and remember that. Hindsight is a hard taskmaster. We can all look back with regret, and I am one of those because I could have been kinder. But it’s gone now. Where our loved ones are now there is only love, and with it goes complete forgiveness. But, more importantly, we have to forgive ourselves. Nursing guilt for any length of time may result in depression. I know my wife has forgiven me as have my parents, who died many years ago. I could have been a much better son. We are human and all make mistakes, but how are we to know from moment to moment what will happen?
Take care all. Blessings. John.

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@jonathan123 John that has helped me this morning. Thank you.

Me too.Thanks Jonathan x