Guilt

I’ve been looking after my mum for a long time. She died in her flat with me bye her side holding her hand till her last breath. It’s the worst thing ever seen never forget it. Am feeling bad because she was put on morphine driver as soon as she was on it her body was unresponsive. She couldn’t move not even blink. Feel she had to much of morphine and I didn’t stop them from giving it to her for 4 day’s constraint. Am empty inside feel like am on my own and just going with the flow of life until its over for me. Watching her last breath I died with her

Hi,

I had a similar experience when my husband was put onto the syringe driver, I thought what’s going on!

It was explained to me that stuff in the syringe driver is so strong that it takes away pain/nausea etc… but makes the person not in the room etc… better that then in terrific pain etc…

We will never know if too much was given, I hold onto the thought that it was better for them to be out if it.

Someone said to me you only second guess things when you have a caring nature.

You should feel proud that you were a good son & saw things through until the end.

Some children can’t cope you did! Think how proud your mum is of you.

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It was a privilege to accompany your mum at her last journey, no one else could have done that. I experienced traumatic loss of my partner and my only consolation was that he didn’t go alone, a lot of things were left unsaid because it was unexpected. I’m sorry you are carrying the weight like I do but you should be proud of caring your mum despite the enormous emotional stress. You were with her and I’m sure she appreciated it (though didn’t seem so as on drug at the time). Take care xxx

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This happened to my hubby in April, they put the driver in, the day after he passed , I know they overdose on him, that is how they end their lives. I know this as she was telling me what to do if I think he died, heard other people say the same.