I wanted some advice on how to deal with not being with a loved one at the end.
My mam had been in hospital for 2 weeks, she was doing good now and the doctors discussed with me that Mam was getting discharged, I was going to Mexico the next day for a holiday with my family, my mam was so pleased I was going, I only went because she’d picked up and was getting discharged, I would of never have gone if she’d been poorly. When I had 3 days left of my holiday my daughter rang to say she’d took a turn for the worse. That was it I screamed to get me home, get me out of Mexico. 
my son helped me get home taking 3 flights but we were too late… I just carnt get over that I wasn’t with her ( my siblings were) for 3 years I’d cared for her full time and always thought I’d be with her too the end. I really carnt get over it, and relay it in my mind all the time.
Please any advice
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Dear @Jane36
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum.
You acted on the information given to you by the hospital and that was your mum was medically fit to go home. You were not to know she was going to take a turn for the worse.
You and you son did everything possible to get you home. This too was out of your control. On a positive side, you can take comfort from the fact that your mum was not alone at the end and had family with her.
It is not your fault that you were not with your mum at the end, circumstances changed suddenly which could not have been foreseen. I am sure your mum would have understood that.
Please be gentle with yourself and continue to reach out. We are here for you.
Take care.
Pepsi