Guilt

Losing a partner
1

I lost the love of my life 2 weeks ago to suicide. He’d been unwell for a little while. We had tried getting him the help he needed, he was crying out for help but he was extremely let down by the mental health services.

A week before he died he told his crisis team he had tested out his chosen method. I should have took the ladder and I didn’t. A week later I couldn’t get into the house as he had locked it from the inside and the police found him.

I have so much guilt for not keeping him safe. I should have been with him and if I wasn’t i should have took those things away.

Aside from the guilt i am just absolutely devestated that he felt such a way. He was such a wonderful person and had so much to live for, including his daughters.

I’m now alone, back in my house that is due to be sold anytime now as I was living with him. His nearly ex wife is already living back in the house and 2 days after his death I had to go and sort through belongings. Its all been too much, I cannot face life without him.

1 Like
2

Hello @Dizzapea, I am so sorry for the loss of your partner to suicide. Sadly, many of our members have lost a loved one to suicide and will understand some of what you are going through. There are a few recent threads here where you might want to connect with the members who posted them.

Your loss is so very recent and raw, and you’ll be going through the early stages of grief.. It’s really normal to feel guilty, and people like you who have been bereaved by suicide often experience even more intense and complex feelings of guilt. You are not alone.

I sent these links by private message, but I wanted to share them here too. It can help to talk to others who have been in your situation.

You may want to explore our Online Bereavement Support, where you find our Grief Guide self-help platform, our Grief Coach text support service, and how to access our Online Bereavement Counselling.

You can also reach out to one of the following organisations who are always just a call or text away anytime you would like someone to talk to:

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

Take good care,
Seaneen