Good morning everyone! Two months now since Tony died of bladder cancer and am just about coping day by day with support of family and friends! But as time goes on am now feeling guilt of how I ought to have done more (head and heart thing) although physically I couldnt have coped! Also going back wonder if I put the children before him over the years! Just ruminating I suppose! Is guilt part of this journey?? Also because of Christmas andNY plus family commitments we have had to wait for the funeral which is coming up this Friday - cremation followed by Thanksgiving service! I know this will bring some sort of closure but it also seems so final nd tge permanence will set in!! love and blessings to you all Cynthonia
3 Likes
I may be further along the way than you, I lost my Keef last February, but I too felt great pangs of guilt and sometimes still do. We can’t really help how we behaved in the past and can’t change it. I too wondered if I put the kids first over the years but you do what you feel is right at the time. The guilt does ease over time and I’ve come to terms now with the fact there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome but inn the early days, first 6 months I suppose, I did feel continuously guilty. Take care and know that people on here will listen and understand what you are going through. Gail
3 Likes
Oh thank you for replying Gail - that is reassuring Cynthoniax
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband… guilt plays a big part of grief. I felt so much guilt that I nearly had a break down. My husband suddenly and unexpectedly died of a massive rear saddle pulmonary embolism and undiagnosed kidney cancer. He was 53 years old. I felt guilty as I didn’t notice that he was ill and had lost weight untill a couple of weeks before he died. I got him down the doctor’s but sadly to late. I feel guilty for nagging at my husband and hardly telling him I loved him. We had just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I’m starting to come to terms slowly that I couldn’t save him but still very hard. I also did CPR on my husband but couldn’t bring him back. Take care and big hugs xx
2 Likes
Oh Hazel I soooo understand and yes, guilt does seem part of grieving process! Its the “if only” and “wish we had” thing!! Tony used to trundle on about boring stuff and I would never really listen!!! wish I had now! Awful process isnt it? doesnt seem to get much easier either!! sending love Cynthonia
3 Likes
Hazel - far too young for your husband, I am so sorry!! Hindsight is a wonderful thing but you couldnt possibly have known about the kidney cancer - likewise with Tony, he became thinner abd thinner and it still didnt strike us he was dying! We still in shock really with the speed and aggressiveness! sending love xx
2 Likes
Hi, I lost my brother last July, I do feel so guilty that I was not there to help him, although I kept in touch with him weekly, he died suddenly in his flat on his own and was found by his work colleagues after I alerted them that I could get hold of him, I feel that if I had asked sooner he may still be here, so it haunts me everyday. I know he wouldn’t want me to be like this but find it very hard, I was beginning to think it was just me that was thinking like this, so I guess it’s quite normal, having somewhere I can speak about this is a big help to me as I don’t feel my family really understand or thank that I should still be feeling like it, sending you support and know you are not alone
2 Likes
Hi all I lost my husband May last year and too have had a lot of ifs and a lot of guilt it had been eating me away but my councillor told me to think of the good things not the bad and overtime it is working
2 Likes
It is very hard to begin with, it does get easier but also some days catch you unawares and its just like yesterday again. Then i know i can come on here and talk and makes me feel better having people that are listening to me ,keep going and be strong
1 Like
This is a wonderful site and thank you all for being here! I am soooo up and down at the moment: Funeral was last Friday and, although told we would feel better after it, actually I think it worse! finality and permanence!!! Woke ip feeling wretched this morning. Sucj a void and noone really understands unless they been there! Two months for me now - will the heartache ever go?! x Cynthonia
2 Likes
Hi Cynthonia it’s so true it doesn’t get better after the funeral you’ve had so many people around you when it’s over everyone has gone their own way and your left struggling and alone but this is a wonderful site I came on it about 4 weeks ago and I’m so glad I did it’s 9 months for me
2 Likes
Yeah I agree, everyone says things will be easier once funeral is over, but it was the worse time for me, I had so many family and friends talking to me before, and then after funeral nothing ,may have had the odd how are you but that was it, it’s then I began to real really alone and didn’t seem I had anyone to talk to, no one talks about my brother really unless I bring him up, apart from my eldest brother as he was very close but we don’t leave near each other so not so easy. That’s why I have joined this group find it very helpful
1 Like
Hi jenny everything does go quiet after the funeral and your left alone grieving this is why I too joined this group I did go to the Bereavement group at Dove House but not what I expected this is what I was looking for take care
2 Likes
I did think about going to a bereavement group but wasnt sure about it, but this site is definitely helping ,you take care as well
1 Like
The bereavement group wasn’t good for me but I also went to a Bereavement councillor she was amazing one to one and although I’ve a long way to go she’s helped just by suggesting things and they have worked you take care jenny
2 Likes