My Mum passed away yesterday and all i can think about is the fact that i wasnt with her at the end. She had been ill with lung cancer and MSCC for 8 weeks and in different hospitals for all that time. She was in a rehab hospital when she got a chest infection so needed moving back to an acute hospital for IV antibiotics. Me and my Dad were with her in A&E the whole time but when she got up to a ward we were told it was past visiting hours so had to leave, I said I was concerned about leaving her but they said they would call if she deteriorated. I called rhe next morning at 9.30am to see how she was and was told she was still very poorly, the doctors were doing there rounds and that there would be more info when we came when visiting hours started at 1pm. My Dad then got a call from a palliative nurse at 12pm saying we needed to get there straightaway, we got there 5 mins too late. I am so angry that i wasnt allowed to stay, that they didnt tell us to come when i rang and guit that i didnt just ignore them and stay anyway or just go in straightaway in the morning. I am scared that my Mum was scared and alone and was wondering why we werent there for her and why we hadnt come and i am really struggling to deal with this
So sorry for your loss . Sounds horrific what your family went through . When you get your head round it all i would put in a complaint about the way your family was treated. Theres so much to sort out for you at moment so just take in minute by minute and look after yourself.
I am so sorry that you have lost your mum and the pain you are going through. I lost my dad in August 2021 and my mum at the end of May this year. You must not feel guilty that you weren’t there, sometimes our loved ones want to be on their own when they pass, they don’t want us going through the trauma of watching them go. You were with your mum the day before she left you, she will have known that you were with her and that you loved her. My mum didn’t want my sister and I with her when her time came, we left her a few hours before she passed, her nurse that night said he had been with her all evening and had only left her for 30mins and in that time she had gone. He said she wanted to go on her own terms. I know the hospital did not give you and your dad the chance to say goodbye but there is no guilt on your part.
I too wasn’t present when my mum passed, despite sitting at her bedside for 3 weeks. Please try and ease that guilt of yours, I know it is so hard. I like to think my Mum went on her own terms, her way x