guilty inheritance

I sadly lost my wife Jane last November after 43 years of marriage.
. We bought our house in 2008 largely funded by the sale of my mother in laws bungalow she passed away in 2007,both her and my father in law were very good to us throughout our married life nothing to much trouble.
What I am trying to say is why do I feel guilty that I am the one who as inherited the house and Janes family heirlooms although I did work till I was 68 to make us financially sound.
My guilt is from the fact that everything had been put into place so if anything happened Jane would have the finances for care etc,not to be!,I am now on my own (no children)wether it is guilt or grief or loneliness I do not know,I would never sell anything and I am having difficulty in getting rid of her clothes.
I do not know if anyone else as been in this position and how they coped with it,lost of my wife shattered my life is this just another fact of life after bereavement??
. Regards my friends MM69

Hi im so sorry for your loss it’s so so sad words can’t describe unfortunately I can’t help you with this one we ordered a brand new sofa as my soulmate was ill I cant even bring myself to sit on it material things I’d trade just to see the back of my partner pottering away in the kitchen now making breakfast news on discussing our bank holiday plans absolutely heartbreakon take care x

Hi, so sorry for your loss, i lost my husband of 45 years a week before Christmas 2018, we had saved hard for our retirement so we could enjoy holidays together, now I feel guilty if I spend any thing as this money was for us to enjoy not for me to enjoy on my own, my children have persuade me to book a holiday for later in the year and I really do feel guilty about it, i think the difficulty is the guilt comes from we are still here and they are not. As for sorting belongings out I have just left them all as they are for now, time for that later when you feel strong enough, I have had a memory cushion made from 2 of my husbands favourite tops and this comes to bed with me every night

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Money causes so many problems in grief and after some one has passed … unfortunately my circumstances are the opposite but I still understand ‘. My husbamd died last July leaving me and my two small children and we were left with nothing his funeral has left us in debt because his family were so unkind to me and really didn’t care enough to help me … I was told we should have had insurance or should have saved up … he was only 36 … my and the kids had to leave the house and moved into a small rented house and really struggle … Although i remind myself that that money really does not make U happy I’d live of beans on toast for the rest of my life if I could give my children there daddy back … grief is devastating but to also have financial worries is gripiling … so don’t feel guilty at all your partners would want you to be comfortable you have enough on your plates x

I’m so so sorry to hear about your loss hun I lost my soulmate of seventeen years six months and ten days ago today I’m utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes sane here we met I was 21 Edward nearly 22 we never thought of life insurance at all so I really struggled to do the best I could on my own as he had a big fall out with his so called family six years before not once did they send him a birthday card a christmas card nothing always knew were we lived so before he became really suck me my friends the nurses asked Edward would you like anyone else here he firmly said no I stuck by my soulmates wishes and always will he was my soulmate of seventeen years so I had to arrange for the funeral service flowers car everything alone just paying things off still it’s been so hard im utterly heartbreakon like you say we would do anything to have our partners back in our lives money or materials are nothing take care speak soon your in my thoughts Adele x

My wife had a simple philosophy relating to money… What’s mine was ours, what’s hers was hers. As I was the main/only earner for many years it seemed quite reasonable that we had a joint bank account. She returned to work after the kids had grown up and opened a sole bank account for her wage to be paid into. I was fine with that and she was able to spend out of either. When my mother died the money went into the joint account, when my mother in law died the money went into the sole account, although my wife gave substantial sums to our children. As it became obvious my wife was dying we created a second joint account, although I didn’t take any notice of how much was in it. When my wife died I did find out and realised that a lot of the money was still there from her mother. I didn’t feel comfortable with inheriting that money so I set up a trust fund for the grandchildren.
I think it was the fact as to where the money came from that stopped me from frittering it away.
As I assumed my wife would outlive me I’d taken steps to ensure she would be able to manage financially. The strange reality is that I’m significantly better off than she would have been and that’s how a lot of occupational pensions seem to work. I don’t feel comfortable with that.

That’s lovely you have done that for your grandchildren Jonathan if only money could bring the life we had back I’d gladly sleep in a tent x

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